Wife Speak: Life of a left-handed man

One of my younger brothers is left-handed. In the last two months, we have spent a lot of time together, working on a project and I noted how resilient left-handers are.

For them, navigating certain life episodes is a challenge, you need to walk in their shoes to fully appreciate their ‘handicap.’

I saw his frustrations when one day, while he was on the wheel, I said, “turn left.”

Ordinarily, a right-hander will smoothly turn, because my left is their left. But for my left-handed brother, the brain considers his dominant left hand as his right. Already feeling him?

He hesitated for a microsecond, to differentiate his right from mine, before turning, and he would do this for the rest of the trip. When he shakes your hand in a greeting, first he has to quickly think through it, then extend his right hand, while fighting the temptation to use the left hand.

Try this. Turn to a friend and ask if you could both shake hands, using your left hands. It’s awkward! I now feel ashamed the way I insist that he should offer firmer handshakes.

“It shows you are confident and a professional,” I always say.

We live in a world designed for right-handers where the lefties struggle to fit in.

“What is the most basic but difficult thing you struggle to do as a leftie every day?” I asked him.

“Tying a belt. Every day, I get it wrong. I still don’t know how that thing is meant to be worn,” he complained.

Fascinated, I tried using my left hand to tie a belt and it was frustrating. And there are more frustrations they face.

“Playing a guitar was frustrating. I wanted to learn, but I gave up,” he said.

 “Jimmy Hendrix, a famous leftie, played it upside down,” I told him. To cope, lefthanders have had to adjust, for example, to using a pair of scissors, opening doors, driving automatic gear cars etc.

Lefthanders say it is a special kind of torture to use a spiral notebook. Thankfully, our colleges considered diversity and inclusivity and designed desks for lefties.

Remember how difficult it was to use their desk when you found all the others taken? You would turn that thing around or twist your body to a weird angle to fit in. Imagine a leftie’s daily life, in our world.

Can you try using a pair of scissors to cut a straight line on a piece of paper using your left hand?

While going through training on diversity and inclusivity, I was surprised to learn how ignorant and insensitive we are, as humans towards each other.

Left-handers, being a minority, are not even remembered in this diversity and inclusivity discussion. Inevitably, gender inclusivity takes the lion’s share in this discussion. Contrary to popular claims, the ratio of men to women is equal, with men holding a slight lead at 50.4 per cent and women at 49.6 per cent. Yet, the world is designed for men and tall people. Recent gender assertive discussions have led to commendable redesigning of policies to accommodate the other half of humanity.

These gender disparities play out even more in a marriage/relationship context.

While men’s brains are wired for laser focus and compartmentalised ways of operation, the woman’s interlinks information and processes it, interpreting the same with a dash of emotion.

But then, during a conflict, we are reminded to keep emotions away and focus on the issue at hand with a logical mind frame. Though men and women are wired differently, we are expected to be like men and have a logical discussion.

I once cried during an office conflict and a colleague, panicking, whispered, “Crying will kill your career.”

There is also a stereotype that men cannot multitask. Yes they can, it is just that they have not been conditioned to do so like women.

So, while men cannot chew gum and cross the road at the same time, their ability to compartmentalise a task and complete it instead of juggling, leads to better outcomes.

It is evident that our differences are vast, but if are sensitive to others’ shortcomings and embrace everybody as they are, we will achieve more and live in unity.

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