Help, these bad habits may cost me the love of my life

• Identifying your weaknesses, and recognising the hold they have on your life is the first step towards healing

Hallo Philip,

I am a broken soul seeking help. The source of my agony is an addiction I got into 11 years ago, and which I have laboured to get out of for the past five years without success. My problem is pornography.

I have shared this problem with a couple of people at my church in a bid to get help, but when I fell, they faded away (although I must admit that I was not as serious as I should have been).

A few years ago, I met a girl in church and fell in love with her. I tried to avoid getting into anything serious with her because I knew that being what I am, I did not deserve her.

So I kept my feelings to myself and did not say as much as a Hi. When I finally did, I found that she was taken, but we had a great friendship for a short time. I soon moved on because I could not stand the pain and we rarely communicated. Last year I told her how I felt and we have since been in touch.

It is my belief that God has brought her into my life for a reason and I have been crying and praying every night that God changes me and makes my life beautiful with her.

Deep within, I know that if I do not change I will lose her. Please help me find a programme that helps sex addicts, a support group, or a counsellor. I want to change, not just for her, but more importantly for God.

Hi,

We are all here for a reason and therefore need to do the best we can with our lives and our skills. But we also have to fight vices that would otherwise put us down. Our upbringing, exposure, and discipline play an important role in how we live.

I am glad that you are clear on what is pulling you back. Identifying your weaknesses and recognising the hold they have on your life is the first step towards healing.

Second, knowing that God has given other people skills that can help us overcome our weakness enables us to become better learners. This kind of attitude is key in overcoming addictions of every kind. Reach out to a counsellor and commit to complete the given sessions.

Healing does not come in a day with such addictions. Since sex has a lot to do with the mind, we need to reform the mind and the heart.

Because what you think is as important as what you do, there is a need to ensure that you are exposed to things that will influence good thoughts.

Therefore, your associations will be vital in building healthy practices. Remember that healing will happen only if you have personal resolve. If this resolve does not exist, then seeking support systems will not help.

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Hi Kitoto,

I am a 22-year-old woman and have a boyfriend who unconditionally loves me. Late last year, I met my ex (my boyfriend while I was in Class Seven). He had introduced me to love, but he was transferred and we were not able to meet because I was in high school.

He told me that he still loves me and that he wants to marry me and has been insisting on meeting my parents, but I keep postponing this because of mu current boyfriend.