His cheating has made me suicidal

You and your children deserve a future and you need to be the sober one to give them that future.

First, seek the help of a professional counsellor to help you deal with the pain you are experiencing, and to help you do away with the suicide and murder thoughts that you have.

In case you need help with this, please do not hesitate to get in touch for referrals.

There are many options to take in case your marriage does not work out, including seeking the help of the court for financial support, so your financial instability shouldn’t worry you much. Take heart and be strong for you and your children.

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Philip,

I am 48 years old and have been married for 18 years to a woman one year younger. Together, we have three children.

My problem is that my wife does not like getting intimate with me. To my understanding, human beings get intimate primarily for pleasure; children are just a bonus.

But to my wife, this is not so — throughout our marriage, she has never initiated intimacy.

Coming from a Pentecostal background, where it is believed that sex is driven by the flesh and should be ignored for one to qualify for heaven, I feel like I have been driving my wife to “sin”.

These days, she has taken to the 3 to 4am prayers; asking for intimacy from someone who has just been to the “Holy Alters” makes me feel like a “sinful” person.

I have talked to her about my concerns, but all that has been in vain. I even tried engaging her in romantic phone message conversations but nothing has changed.

I travel a lot in my work and I feel tempted to seek this pleasure outside marriage. Is this just mid-life crisis or what should I do?

Hi,
Congratulations for your 18 years in marriage the children you’ve been blessed with — you should not loose sight of these.

I can see that the two of you have different views on the place and purpose of intimacy in marriage.

First, it is erroneous to think that marriage was meant for intimacy. As much as intimacy was intended to be enjoyed in marriage, there are a number of things that may prevent you from enjoying it; this should not mean the end of your marriage.

Intimacy is as important to marriage as communication and friendship. This is then likely to result into spontaneous moments of intimacy.

It is also erroneous for intimacy to be seen as a dirty or sinful act. In marriage, it is blessed by God to be enjoyed by the couple within the context of mutual submission and love.