I’m having fun with the wife of my best friend

• What hurts me most is the fact that she is a very good friend of my wife, and that her husband is also a good friend of mine. I share everything with her, including my body, and every time I try to stop it, I find myself yearning for her ... again and again

Hi Philip,

I am a regular reader of your column, and sometimes it pains me when I think of the tribulations I will expose myself to when I eventually get married. I’m aged 26, and I have a fiance with whom we have dated for about six years now. We have a two-year-old son and are planning to wed by the end of this year.

But there is this other woman whom I have known for about three years now. She is married and, at first, we were just some two good and very genuine friends — until August last year, when we broke the rules of the game and started an affair.

What hurts me most is the fact that she is a very good friend of my “wife”, and that her husband is also a good friend of mine. I share everything with her, including my body, and every time I try to stop it, I find myself yearning for her, again and again.

I have developed this close bond with her that I’m worried my “wife” will sense something is going on, even though she (my wife) trusts me so much that she has no qualms with me spending time with this other woman.

Now I want to get out of this mess, but I know I can’t do it on my own. Kindly help.

Thank you.

Hi,

We are glad you are a great fan of this column. Keep us close to you.

Now, to your dilemma. Thank you for having the courage to admit that what you are doing is wrong, and that you fear the eventual outcome. My advice is simple: GET OUT NOW. GET OUT AND RUN!

If you don’t, you will be courting even greater pain to the people you say you care about. Bad habits have a way of enslaving us, and the mere mouthing of the phrase ‘I’m involved in a bad habit’ kills us. Why? Because we know there are consequences, and no one wants to face that.

The habit gives us pleasure, and the more we seem to derive niceties, the more we get enslaved. Your wife and friend trust you. They think you are Mr Nice Guy. However, you have betrayed that trust.

Socially, culturally, morally and even religiously, what you are doing is not right. Please do not misuse the trust your wife and your friend have accorded you by cheating on them behind their backs.

If you truly loved your friend, how could you do this to him? Imagine you were the one whose wife was having a little hanky-panky with your close friend. How would you feel?

Do your friend a favour, buddy. Be a true friend. Don’t stab him in the back. He deserves respect.

Always do unto others what you’d expect them to do unto you and, if you do not turn away from this bad habit, a time will come when you shall truly reap the due punishment.

Personally, my faith reminds me that the wages of a sinful life involve coming face-to-face with the righteous God of judgment. I get scared when I imagine what I would do if I found out that my friend was doing something bad to someone close to me. I know it can hurt.

Therefore, since you know the consequences of walking on hot coal, you need to mend your ways. You can’t continue hurting those you call your best friends this way.