Irony of battered men in Mungiki backyard

A friend of mine once described a girl he was seeing as being a “knockout”. That meant she was exceedingly good looking.

Today, if the same friend described a girl as being a “knockout”, I would take that to mean she is from Nyeri County, and that I should stay away from her.

’Thing is, despite the fact that I once, in a fit of pique, called Maendeleo ya Wanaume a bunch of ineffectual wimps and dandies — or something to that effect — all is now forgiven.

We really should close ranks because we face a greater challenge. The organisation has in the recent past come out strongly in support of battered husbands.

When you first heard that men from Central Kenya were the most battered in the country, I’m sure you smiled. Admit it. I did.

What irony that the region with the highest incidence of Mungiki-related violence is also the one most battered by their bitter halves!

Next time a guy with dreadlocks tries to extort money from you in your matatu, threaten to call his wife and watch him pee-pee on himself.

There seems to be a lot of latent anger in Central Kenyan women, and it is unfortunate that the Sports ministry is yet to try to divert this anger into more lasting productive pursuits like boxing.

We should have a few pugilist training camps by the slopes to tap into this rage. We could win a shed-load of medals in the upcoming Olympics in the boxing category.

When a man beats his wife, he attracts a shoulder shrug, but a man battered by wifey is front-page news.

Husband battery is in the “man-bites-dog” headline category because domestic violence against women has been turned into an inexcusable monstrosity of a crime.

Domestic violence against men is still in the joke category.

Men who beat their spouses are painted as such unpardonable monsters. But guys who are beaten by their wives are thought of as hen-pecked, pussy-whipped sissies attached to their wives’ apron springs.

The man who beats his wife is guilty of being a beast, but double damned is the man who is beaten by his wife for being a sissy and being “sat on”.

When a man is beaten by his wife, it is in his best interests to keep silent.

There is only ridicule and scorn awaiting you when you go public. Nothing hurts more and lasts longer than the shame.

Men have a vested interest in keeping their domestic tribulations behind closed doors.

Before a man comes out, the pain has exceeded the shame — and, by that time, most are half-dead.