My girlfriend is HIV-positive, should I leave her?

Hi Philip,

I am 25 years old and have been dating my 21-year-old girlfriend for the last two years.

We have had great times together and she has the qualities of a caring, trustworthy and humble woman, which I like a lot about her.

We have not had sexual contact as we agreed to wait till marriage. However, I was recently shocked to learn that she is HIV-positive.

She is an orphan and was raised in a children’s home where she was taken after being abandoned and was given a local tribe’s name.

I was aware of all this, but not the fact that she was born with the disease. I only got to learn about it when I saw the drugs in her bag.

I have thought of leaving her, and cutting communication with her, but it’s difficult for me to betray and hurt her in this way, especially if she discovers that I did so after finding out about her status. What are my options here?

Hi,

Let me start by congratulating you for being such an encouragement to your girlfriend.

Do remember that your love for her must have been based on certain values.

Now, you have discovered she is HIV-positive; I would like to encourage you by saying that being HIV-positive does not mean death or the end of the world.

She has been alive for over 20 years — if she contracted the virus from her mother, she has fought a good fight and is here today as a testimony of diligence and proper care.

She wants, and rightly so, to succeed in life just like anyone else.

She hopes and dreams to have a home with someone who cares for and loves her for who she is.

I don’t think she wants you to feel sorry for her. The best you can do is to offer love, and support. Be a friend.

Now that you know about her status, what is the next step?

I am sorry, she never disclosed to you about her status, but she may have her reasons for doing this; maybe she wanted to feel secure with you before she did it.

Whatever the case, I think you can look for an opportunity and let her know that you are aware of her condition.