My husband is taking out his past pains on me

Philip,
I am 28 years old and have been in a relationship with a woman I love for a year now. I would like to have her as my wife and have even told my parents about her.

The problem is that three weeks ago, I realised that my girlfriend is two years older than me. My close friends have advised me to dump her, saying “tradition does not allow”.

What should I do now that my parents are insisting on seeing my wife-to-be? Is it right to marry a woman who is older than you?

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Hi,
The age difference between you and your girlfriend is negligible. However, many men tend to be overly sensitive about the fact that a woman is older than them.

I am of the opinion that love is both a choice and a commitment we make, regardless of the sacrifices that will be required. In fact, the truth is that love is only given if we are willing to pay the price.

You must, therefore, not let your friends make the choice of love for you. You do not marry for your friends.

They may give their thoughts on the matter, but the final decision remains with you since it is the wearer of the shoe who knows where it pinches.

I have encountered couples with a much wider age gap who are quite happy. What you need to do is to ask yourself why you want to marry her and weigh that against the fact that she is older than you. Then make your choice.

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Hi Philip,
My girlfriend of three years recently revealed shocking news to me; she is going to get married this June to somebody I did not even know about, and this despite the fact that we had discussed and agreed to marry next year.

Although we are from different tribes and she has expressed fears that either my family or hers might not be accommodative of this, I believed that we were meant to be together.

Also my family is well off and we have never discriminated against anyone on the basis of tribe —my firstborn brother married from another tribe and I often gave my girlfriend this example in order to reassure her.

I am deeply disturbed by her actions because we have always discussed our problems openly. A while back, I got a new job and moved to another town and that is when she dropped the bombshell.

I now wish I had turned down the job offer. Do you think she could have been cheating on me since we met? Is tribe really the problem, or is it a case of superiority or inferiority complex?

It is unfortunate that I have not seen her new boyfriend to judge for myself. Should I let her go or try to stop their wedding?

Do I have any chance, legal or otherwise, of convincing her to stop the move? Should I marry before her to make her feel ashamed? What are my options here?

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