She will never be his wife, you will never be his mum

• What is all this fight between mothers-in-law and their sons’ wives? Can’t they learn to live in peace. A little love... and guidance... is all that you need to turn a new leaf in your family

Isn’t it funny how, more often than not, people judge potential in-laws even before they have been proven guilty? I bet you have heard women (especially) carefully laying out plans on how to stop in-laws from ‘sitting’ on them, or swearing how they would not bend over backwards for them.

Here are a few things you should consider before you vilify your in-laws.

1 Before you declare war on in-laws, remember they are still your husband’s family. Treat them with due respect. Granted, some in-laws are made in hell but, please, do not keep advertising that fact. When you keep yapping about how you do not like them, you risk sounding juvenile.

2 Always remember, whenever you are marrying into a family, that family will naturally be a little suspicious of your intentions. You are a stranger who is coming to take away their son/brother.

They will question your ability to take care of him properly... a very natural reaction. You have probably done the same with your brother’s wife.

3 You get back what you want, attitude-wise! When you go to meet your in-laws for the first time, humble yourself for the few hours you are around them.

4 Your wardrobe is very important when meeting your in-laws. True, your man likes you in micro minis. True, the skinny jeans enhances your long, shapely legs. True, too, you are marrying him, not his parents or sisters, but, for goodness’ sake, wear clothes that will not make their eyes jump out of their sockets.

Nobody expects you to dress drab, but be prudent in your choice of clothes. It is just that one day. Surely, you can survive – and experiment with your dressing on subsequent meetings.

5 You are not in competition with your in-laws, especially the mother. She will never be his wife, and you will never be his mother. Relax!

6 Should you be lucky to come from a slightly richer family than your man, please, do not rub it in. You will not win any friends like that unless, of course, you are not interested in making friends from the man’s family.

A little note for the man usually caught in between the turf war:

Do not allow yourself to get caught in between. If you notice any friction, quickly lay out the rules. Make it clear that you will not be made to take sides, and if their relationship has signs of turning bloody, keep them as far away from each other as possible — and do not discuss either with the other.