Time to hop onto the ban wagon

• Our benevolent government has banned all those annoying imported foreign things that are not healthy for us and our economy, which is now set for astronomical growth
• This is the government that cares so much for our collective well-being that it has gone ahead and banned all those imports that might endanger our lives
• The “ban wagon” is being felt across all ministries, and is meant to improve the lives of all Kenyans, regardless of race, gender or creed because we are a one united nation which only gets divided along foreign ideologies that should also be banned, but there are more immediate needs

Yes! We did it. Or, to give credit where it is due, our democratically-elected government which has no Opposition in a country with multi-party democracy did it for us and we should forever be grateful.

Our benevolent government has banned all those annoying imported foreign things that are not healthy for us and our economy, which is now set for astronomical growth.

But first, this is how we ended up where we are: Many, many years ago, when we were fed up with only one political party, we took to the streets.

Actually, they — the current crop of political leaders — took to the streets and protested so much so that political parties rained down on our beloved nation, more like manna from heaven.

Then some years later, they ascended to power — in other places people govern — and remembered some of the things they fought for, but forgot to have an Opposition (party) which is the main thing they were wailing over because they wanted cheques and balances.

Because of their poor memory, they ended by up by creating a new form of multi-party democracy which puts all of them on one side. You can even say on all sides, so they can fight like Kilkenny cats one minute and kiss and make up the next minute while their supporters are still at war.

That, fellow readers and dear Kenyans — we are confused like that — is the epitome of freedom, of democracy, of liberalism, of being united in ripping off the little poor sods who work their body parts off and still cannot afford to put food on their floors, considering that they cannot even afford tables.

This is the government that cares so much for our collective well-being that it has gone ahead and banned all those imports that might endanger our lives.

Top on the agenda last week was genetically-modified foodstuffs which, after extensive research within the Cabinet, were discovered to carry organisms which might spell doom for a working nation.

But was the ban imposed on GM foods or just their importation — and does that mean if an indigenous ingenious local scientist modifies some organism then it is good to go?

It seems the ban is just on importation only and other ministries and departments have followed suit and decided to ban other imports which will cause Kenyans untold suffering.

These foreign products were not made with our bodies in mind and they contain substances that can be detrimental to our health.

Take the Health ministry, for example. No more drugs and even equipment from outside the country since it is cheaper to get treatment out of the country, not to mention that the doctors might be on strike and it will make no difference bringing drugs and equipment here.

“We want to create jobs for our youth,” a ministry official explained the reasoning behind the ban. “Some of them have built equipment and there are enough herbalists around also, thus we are cutting costs by using our own safe products and creating employment in the process.”

The “ban wagon” is being felt across all ministries, and is meant to improve the lives of all Kenyans, regardless of race, gender or creed because we are a one united nation which only gets divided along foreign ideologies that should also be banned, but there are more immediate needs.

The cost of living has been rising and this is due to the cost of imported fuel, thus the government is coming in to arrest the situation and has banned the importation of oil.

“We are working around the clock to ensure that our own oil starts flowing around the country,” a Ministry of Energy official explained. “The imported reserves can still be used because we have to mop them up, but our prices will be lower and this will drastically reduce the cost of living.”

For some time now, the beauty industry has been the worst hit because the imported products are laced with dangerous chemicals that erode our beauty, thus the concerned ministry has been forced to join the ban wagon.