Dealing with cyber-bullying

Everyone has seen a big kid shoving a smaller one around at school. Bullying like that happens in just about every school there is – and on the way there and back. It’s not just “kids being kids” and can result in poor marks and long lasting emotional problems – for both the victim and the bully.

Bullies also often go on to have drinking, drug and crime problems as adults, and become abusive towards their romantic partners, spouses and children.

And now modern life has added “cyber-bullying” to all this. Once upon a time, coming home from school used to give kids a break. Not any more. Scary texts and emails, rumours, embarrassing photos and fake profiles posted by their “friends” on social networking sites can get to your children 24/7.

Is one of your kids being cyber-bullied? They probably won’t tell you, because they feel ashamed, and fear being thought weak or a tell-tale. So it’s important you watch for the early signs, such as changes in eating and sleeping habits, frequent or faked illnesses, an unexplained falling out with friends, declining grades or not wanting to go to school or to socialise.

If you get suspicious, find out exactly what’s going on. Be supportive, and take screen shots so you have a record of it all. Cyber-bullies often pose as someone else, so they can be difficult to trace.

And deleting their posts is next to impossible once they’ve spread. But if it’s happening on a social network site, you can ask them to take down any content that violates its rules. Facebook, for example, will generally take your child’s word for it, so encourage them to report any abusive material. And never to reply to anything harassing. If the problems continue, suggest your child take a break from the Internet for a while – though that can be a tough sell!

What about preventing your child from becoming a victim? Or a bully? You certainly can. The key is being closely involved in your children’s lives, especially when they are small. Lots of supervision, love and attention.

Knowing where they are at all times. And who their friends are. As they get older, encourage them to take part in supervised activities such as sports. And watch how they get along with their friends.

Make sure they see your values in everything you do, because your behaviour has a big influence on your children.

So resolve arguments with your spouse without hostility. Set clear rules and high expectations for your children’s behaviour – and stick to them. Keep them from viewing too much TV, and make sure you know what they’re watching – especially anything violent – and talk to them about it. Monitor their Internet use, and talk to them about that too.

Above all, have the sort of relationship where they can talk to you about anything – and do. Then you’ll pick the first signs of trouble, long before anything serious happens.

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