Too shy to face a woman

Self-fulfilling prophecy

But if these men believe that love shyness has “denied” them the opportunity to nd love, is it not a self-fullling prophecy? Some of the posters on Love-Shy.com are as young as 18 or 19 — too young to have written off the chance of romance or to be worried about still being a virgin.

Surely pronouncing another name for what might be “wrong” with these men is just handing them another stick with which to beat themselves? Seb says the rst step to getting better is recognising that something is wrong and the label helps with that. “I believe LS can be overcome,” he says, “but it’s a long, hard road.”

There are drugs to treat shyness, mainstream antidepressants such as Paxil. But the many possible side-effects include sweating, nausea, lowered libido and suicidal tendencies — hardly conducive to romance.

Edelmann believes drugs are best taken in conjunction with cognitive behavioural therapy. “Otherwise you’re helping the symptoms but not addressing the problems of negative thinking patterns and avoidant behaviour.”

The saddest thing about many love-shys is their bitter resignation. “Perceptions are never going to change… this article won’t change people’s mentalities,” posted one. Maybe it won’t.

But spare a thought for the boy in your class or the man in your ofce who eats lunch alone, the uncle who never married, the brother who won’t go out. Abraham Lincoln once said: “Lonely men seek companionship. Lonely women sit at home and wait. They never meet.”