All he wants for Christmas…

The art of gifting is a delicate one. Though a noble gesture, it’s fraught with tension and the fear of buying something inappropriate.
Buying a gift for a woman is not the easiest of things. Not only do you have to get the colour and size right, but you also have to wrap it and write a love note to go with it.

Then, after all that trouble, she will open the present with excitement and stare at it for a long time – so long that time will stand still (and with it, your heart), then she will say, with tears in her voice, “But John, this is exactly what you bought me last year!” Which makes rubbish of the American expression ‘’If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”

But then women don’t get gifting right all the time, either. It’s always a shirt. Or a wallet. Or socks. Or another shirt in a different colour. It’s a good thing men don’t fuss about the gift they get because it’s not manly to do so.

I was talking to a friend who needed help figuring out what to buy her man for Christmas. Here are some of the ideas I gave her, and which I now give to you. Consider this my Christmas present. You’re welcome.

A book

Unless you are dating a man who spends too much time and money on beauty products, a book will always strike a chord. Why? Because it’s intellectual and thoughtful, plus it says something about your predisposition.

Or you could get him a year’s subscription to his favourite magazine, like, I don’t know… Playboy, perhaps?

Watches and shoes

How many shirts can you get without starting to feel like a mannequin? How many ties before you start feeling like her message is “Choke on it!”? But watches and shoes? Priceless. You can’t go wrong with these. Just don’t buy them in traffic on Uhuru Highway.

Gadgets

Another thing you can’t go wrong with. We are talking smart phones, laptop bags (even better with laptops inside), cameras, shaving machines (please throw in those creams and aftershaves)... The list is infinite.

A bottle of something

Sometimes you want to keep a bottle of something and only drink it on those days when you feel like you deserve something special. The days when everything went all wrong or something went terribly right.

But if you are going to receive a drink as a gift, it can’t be Viceroy. Or Johnny Walker Red or Black. Or Richot. That would be like winning a Vitz as the grand prize in a competition that ran for six months: a true anticlimax.

If it’s whisky it has to be single malt. Brandy has to be XO cognac. If it’s vodka, well, I don’t know much about vodka, but I suspect it has to be something with a great ad on television.

Underwear

Gentlemen, I don’t mean to poke holes (pun intended) in this scenario but the truth is, there is some bad underwear underneath those posh suits. I know this because some of the items I am often too lazy to buy are boxers and socks. Sometimes you only buy them when they start looking like a rat started feeding on them… and immediately lost its appetite.

So if you get a dozen fresh boxers, you can sit back until next Christmas. Assuming you don’t play rugby in them.

Training gear

Nyama choma on the weekend, beer every night, pizza when we are left to our own kitchen devices… It’s no wonder Kenyan men are getting fat. And developing gout. Working out is the only way out of an early grave, but procrastination is rife.

This is where a smart woman jumps in and buys her man some training gear then presents it with the infamous words, “Break a sweat, love.”

How about asking?

It’s amazing how eight simple words can transform your Christmas: “So, Paul, what do you want for Christmas?”

If you’re really unsure about what to buy, just ask. That way, nobody has to ‘accidentally’ burn the gaudy, pimp-like shirt they got as a gift while ironing it.

Have a merry Christmas!