Are your friends real or seasonal ?

Ever seen a situation where a woman and her girlfriends are literally inseparable?

When you are up for a good laugh, there is always someone to call and share a joke with.

Women, being the social creatures they are constantly need to talk and share anything and everything – from issues to do with clothes – where to buy, and where to get them made, to hair.

Who else but a couple of good friends would hold an entire half hour conversation on Ghanaian lines?

No wonder marketers understand the power of word-of-mouth advertising, which women do free of charge when they socialise with their friends.

Any woman can be a friend to someone or can have friends. To be a friend, you need to feel comfortable with others, and to feel right about other people.

You should be capable of giving and receiving love. Without this, the end result is loneliness. In our lives, we all have different kind of friends, some who positively enhance our life, and others who have a negative impact on you, while some do both.

There are different types of friends you probably have. Here is a guideline to identify the different types:

The confidante:

This is the one friend you cannot do without. You trust her a lot and you relate well with each other.

This is an intense friendship without boundaries. You can tell her anything without fearing that you will offend her. If you think she has grown fat, you can mention it, and she will take it with a laugh.

You know she can tell you the same without offending you. This is the type of friend you can call at two in the morning to talk about the fight you had with your boyfriend or husband.

She listens as you go on and on about the whole episode. She does not offer an opinion, and neither does she command you to snap out of it. She just listens and comforts and encourages you whenever necessary.

This kind of friend could be someone you have known for years or one you just met but with whom you clicked immediately.

You do not need to impress her or put up barriers, for you are sailing in the same boat – kindred spirits that understand each other.

This is a beautiful friendship that will take your through until you are both old and grey and you can sit and reminiscence about the good old days.

Friendship rating ***** - Very rare gem of a friend, you are lucky to have one, hang on to her.

The superficial friend

This is the sort of friend who is great to have around. Your conversations are always pleasant, and polite. You smile at each other and compliment each other.

But you are guarded when together, always weighing what you say first. You talk about the weather and the traffic jams, just skimming the surface. You never visit each other’s homes.

Something holds you back and this friendship never grows beyond this level. This is the friend you invite to functions and call every so often just to say hello.

With time, your meetings become less frequent, and you may drift away from each other if you do not make an effort.

Friendship rating *** It is all right to have such a friend, since not all friendships are meant to be deep and intense.

The competitor:

This could be a very close friend of yours, however, subconsciously you get the feeling that she is always in competition with you.

This you can tell this when you accomplish a goal; she will try to look happy for you, but deep down, you will notice that she is putting up pretences.

This often becomes apparent especially when you meet a nice man and decide to get married. If you beat her to the altar, she will be quite disappointed, despite the all round smiles and good luck wishes.

If she is in your line-up, she will seem sullen at times. In other aspects of life, when you, ,for instance, buy your first car, she will swear that she will buy an even better one, and will strive to do so even if she has to beg borrow or steal.

This friendship ambles on sometimes uneasily, perhaps fading off after some years. In other cases, some people end up very good friends, as they grow older, depending on how mature they become

Friendship rating *** Not a very inspiring friendship, but given a chance, it can grow to become special.

The user:

Before you realise the type of friend you are dealing with here, this friend may seem like the perfect companion. She is very interesting and exciting, always ready with the latest news.

This is the sort of friend you tend to miss immensely and you find yourself calling for a jolly good laugh, and perhaps to meet up with as an outing companion for a hearty girls’ night out.

However, before too long, you will notice a pattern in this friendship; you are always the one paying the bills when you go out.

This type of friend never has credit to call you. If you happen to have a car and she does not, many are the times when you will be called upon ferry her around and she will not even offer to help with the fuel bill.

This is never a direct request, and is often asked at the last minute when you have no way out. This friend has a way of going around getting people like you to do things for her.

For example, you may have plans with her to go for choma (roasted meat) When you meet, the programme changes because you have to drop a few things at her place.

These “few things” usually end up being massive amounts of groceries or even furniture and people. It is enough to make any friend wonder whether she is some sort of free transport provider!

This type of friend does not hesitate to borrow things and money from you. She is always in some crisis or other and calls upon you to bail her out. It is never the other way around.

You notice that if you were to call her to assist you, she will not be in a position to do so.

The other type of user is really quite malicious in her approach. She will get what she needs from you, and then go around telling others what a fool you are.

Friendship rating* - Such friends will use, misuse and abuse your generosity. These are takers who give nothing in return.

The backstabber:

This is the kind of friend who ends up betraying your confidence and making you feel very foolish for exposing your life to her.

Initially, your friendship starts off on a positive note, and you gradually come to regard her as a confidante.

You feel comfortable around her to the extent that you pour out your heart to her, and she seems so understanding that you truly believe you have a real friend in her.

However, she will listen to your woes in order to make herself feel better about her own situation. In the process, she will speak maliciously about you, while telling all and sundry an exaggerated version of what you told her.

One woman, fell victim to such a friend. She moved to a new neighbourhood and promptly made friends with a woman who lived across the street.

This neighbour became a constant visitor in her house and would often drop by for a glass of wine. This new neighbour, named Clara was going through a rough patch, and confided her woes to her newfound friend.

This woman would listen and pretend to empathise, just to hear more. Deep down in her heart, she was laughing at Clara.

Back home, she would tell her husband everything she had heard, and they would laugh, judge and criticize her. Whenever she met Clara, she would be all smiles as she enquired after her well-being.

Eventually, Clara started hearing stories about herself in the neighbourhood which only this neighbour knew about. She could not believe the way what she had confided in this woman had been twisted.

She promptly terminated all communication with the woman but the damage had been done. These kinds of friends can also be office colleagues, whom you entrust with your information, only to find out that she has used it against you.

Friendship rating zero – A confidante should be someone you trust completely. Many women jump into friendships with every smiling face and confide way too much, only to be hurt later on with information which they themselves put out there.