He likes me, he likes me not
Posted Friday, April 13 2012 at 18:00
- Often, when a man asks you out on a first date, it is a sign that he has taken a special interest in you. But how do you know if the date was successful afterwards? And how does he decide that you have relationship potential thereafter?
The time for the regular phone calls is over. Internet chats have exhausted all the topics potential lovers would have. And the creativity on SMS is almost diminishing.
Yes, it is time for a first date, and in due time, he asks you out. The date is set. The adrenaline is rising. Finally, you are going to meet the guy you have convinced yourself is ‘the man to watch’ as far as your heart matters are concerned.
One of the things you will want to do is weigh your own level of attraction to him. Should you determine that he is worth your time, you will want to impress him with your dress, demeanour and face-to-face conversation skills.
How do you tell, at the end of the evening, whether you have made a good enough impression to get a call-back, or whether you should cut your losses?
According to Mrs Njoki Ngugi, a relationship counsellor, “expectations are normally high(from both parties) that all will go on well.”
On many occasions, however, all does not go well. In fact, a survey carried out last year by Match.com, an online dating agency, in which 35,000 adults were interviewed in four continents (including Africa), four in every 10 first dates go sour.
“Out of the four incidents, half of them resulted in the man not communicating again while the other half communicated for a while, with reduced enthusiasm, before the calls and the mails went silent,” the pollsters noted.
A non-scientific survey conducted by Saturday Magazine on 40 men aged between 25 and 35, in Nairobi, on what men use to judge whether there will be a next date, was quite revealing.
According to the survey, 25 per cent of the men will notice make-up and dress. Conspicuous lipstick and over-exposed flesh turn them off as far serious relationships are concerned.
The interviewees were emphatic that men go on the first date with ‘a potential wife’ in mind, and that is why they do not want a second date with someone they think cannot make a wife.
For Michael Saruni, a Second Year university student, simple dressing is the epitome of a woman you want to be close to.
“I first gauge whether a woman has overdressed or not,” he says. “If, for example, a woman has on bangles, earrings, bracelets, chains, lipstick and eye pencil, then I know we do not have a life longer than that day.”
Some 22.5 per cent of the respondents said they would first notice a woman’s communication mannerisms. They voted against women who talk a lot without giving the man a chance to drive the conversation. Speaking too much is seen as a sign of disrespect, they said.
“You will know she whether she is good or bad woman by how she talks to you,” Jibril Dunia, 27, says. “A woman who dominates the chat, often with stories about herself without giving you a chance to talk is particularly irksome. A good woman should listen more that she talks and the more soft spoken, the better.”
It’s even worse if she keeps on receiving phone calls.
“You sit there and listen to another man talking to her on the phone on matters that are not business. If I notice this I know it is the last time we are meeting. It ignites a sense of insecurity in many men, not just me,” says Jibril, who runs a modelling firm.
And any woman who has preconceived notions about men sends alarm bells ringing.