Beautiful, available but unlovable

Some time towards the end of last years, the country watched in disbelief as scores of women stampeded at Kenyatta International Conference Centre to listen to a Nigerian pastor who had promised to help them get husbands.

They came in droves, from all walks of life to learn how the elusive Mr Right can be found. The sight of beautiful, well-appointed and seemingly well-to-do women in the mad rush pointed to a national crisis that begged the question: Why?

In truth, however, the reason for so many seemingly beautiful women not having men in their lives is a no brainer. It is because relationships are not working because these women have become unlovable.

Here are the reasons:

Grooming

Before they even say hallo to a woman, men evaluate them from a distance on a rigid criteria. First on the list is morality which is a big consideration for most men looking to settle down. Most men tend to compare prospective lovers to their mothers. The modern woman has become very complicated from a grooming perspective.

From multiple piercings all over the body to very flimsy dressing to clownish make-up, the so-called modern woman is more likely to scare than attract. The trick is to dress in such a way that you show only a small detail and leave the rest to his imagination. The way women are overdoing it today is ridiculous and ends up sending an inappropriate message about the woman and rather than attract quality men, it only begets her the rubbish that her grooming deserves.

The biggest statement about people lies in the image they present of themselves to the world. Many Kenyan women are selling themselves short by either dressing too provocatively or trashily.

Centre of power

It is expected that as head of family, the man should shoulder the bigger financial burden. But over the last few decades, women have become increasingly empowered economically.

Plum jobs with the attendant high perks are going to women because they are deemed to be more efficient as managers. An iron lady who manages 300 people and is used to getting things done her way is a man’s worst nightmare. His pride will force men to avoid this variety because he fears he may be forced to surrender his authority as a man. And, of course, his ego will also not allow him to play second fiddle.

Money

Today, switch on your radio in the morning or look in the newspapers and whenever a woman is asked what she would want in a man, she will insist that top of her list is financially stability. That is not that bad. What is bad is the unbridled obsession women have with loaded men.

They want to go to clubs, be driven around on weekends and be lavished with expensive gifts. Sadly, men can spot this variety very easily and they are swiftly shoved aside. Ladies, if you have a penchant for the choice things in life, work for it. Do not trade your femininity for such perks. If you expect a man to pay for your extravagances in this day and age, you are in dreamland. This weakness of wanting to reap where they have not sowed has led many women to have multiple relationships to cater for their lofty requirements.

Men are not so stupid and you have to be very special to be perched up somewhere like a queen bee and provided for without limits. That said, there are still men who have so much that the woman’s demands may sound like child’s play. Such men are, however, as rare as diamond, probably too old or already mobbed by countless other women.

Desperation

Women peak at between 21 and 25 years. After that, it’s injury time physically and emotionally as far as romance is concerned. This is the window that make or break women’s entire lives. Rather than making hay while the sun shines, women in this age bracket ran around like headless chicken; walking in and out of relationships at will.

After 28, suitors disappear and the girl enters the next phase of her life. In this phase, she feels ready to settle down but the allure of youth that brought countless men her way is already fading. As she becomes desperate, she starts sending out signals to men that she is available. But these are the same men she had previously shunned and by now probably are already committed somewhere else.

But they will still come calling and because she is now eager to please, she will be used and then dumped in favour of those who gave these same men time and space when it mattered. After 30 years, fear sinks in and with pressure coming from family and friends to settle down, the standards are lowered even further.

She starts casting an eye on married men and eventually resigns to being merely ‘the other woman’. This turn of events can be avoided by being careful when you are at your peak. When this desperation phase comes, stay straight and well-mannered and conduct yourself with self importance. Some quality guy may still find you.

Know it alls

The most unfortunate thing in today is that everybody knows everything. Everybody has an opinion on everything and everyone. In romance, some women have taken this annoying habit to a whole new level. It would be fine if they would just know what they are talking about. Sadly, some women only end up embarrassing themselves and their men before family or respected friends.

Ladies, sometimes the less you say, the better. God knows what happened to the demure woman who, even if she was intelligent and could hold her own anywhere, would rather wait for a man to pick her brains to discover for himself her wit instead of blabbing on endlessly.

Twisted nose

Very annoying women these ones; they dig deep to find fault with everything about aman. She wants her man to dress in a certain way, go out with a certain class of friends, live in a certain neighbourhood and so on. Her petulant nature also has a personal side; she fights with neighbours – mostly because she wants undeserved recognition, resents the prospective in- laws and can’t stand her man’s friends.

This problem arises from an inflated sense of self -importance. While this type of woman may otherwise be very beautiful and well-educated, men avoid her like the plague because she is too much work and not pleasant to be around.

Emotional wreck

As weak as water, this type of woman overreacts to even the most basic of situations. When a female colleague of her man calls and they converse happily, she cries all night and will not talk to him for two days. Or she will fly off the handle when he does not pick her call, keep his promise and things like that.

This kind of woman switches on and off without warning – happy this moment, sulking the next. They explode into hysterics over nothing and are equally exhilarated by little matters. Men want a woman who is stable emotionally because it helps develop trust.