Better half a man...

• Monogamy is the biggest con of the century and it’s time women learnt to share

Jacob Zuma, who also goes by the name of Jay Z, has gone and done it again. He has taken another wife, bringing the total to four. (This doesn’t include the two he has lost; one to the grim reaper, the other through divorce.)

I can’t help being surprised by how this 70-year-old has unashamedly and unapologetically practised polygamy. When the White man came to this side of the world, he told us that polygamy was barbaric and backward. And we shed it quickly alongside the hides that we used to wear.

Well, I think it is time to rethink this philosophy because polygamy is back in full swing (though this time it has used the back door).

Jimmy Gathu has been begging and barking about the evils of the mpango wa kando. He has thrown everything at us, from the monetary implications to scary flow charts but the mpango has simply refused to go away.

There is a whole debate about census results but I believe most of us will agree that the male-female population ratio is completely messed up and there is a scarcity of good men for women to attach to.

When we talk about ‘good men’, we are referring to men who are of sound mind. Men whose brain cells have not been rendered null and void by illicit booze, illegal substances or old age.

Good men also have some way of making a fairly acceptable income to provide for a woman and her family.

Once you do some honest math, you will realise that there is a huge gap in the numbers and the only logical way out is for women to share in a legitimate and transparent manner.

Even when women claim that men are the cause of all their woes, there can be no denying that most women would rather be in a meaningful emotional and physical relationship with a man than fly solo.

False morality

The monogamy arrangement is the biggest con of the century.

Let us start off with the man. On one hand he earns the tag of respectability since he has a proper wife and the right number of kids.

On the other hand, he has the side dish who provides him with the thrill of mind blowing sex and also gives him some envy factor amongst his friends.

The mpango usually (not always) gets significant material help from the married man while enjoying some sense of security (albeit false) about being in a relationship.

The wife adopts different strategies to deal with this matter. From denial using “I am the legally accepted wife” to religion and becoming exterminators who kill off any sprouting side relationships.

Only when the con becomes too obvious do man, wife and mipangos show some acceptance of truth. This is usually when some embarrassing incident that involves babies, being busted, catching a strange disease or inheritance rears its ugly head.

We could all save ourselves this hassle and just have one man and his wives. The wives will kick and scream about it, but wouldn’t you rather keep your enemies close than imagine they do not exist?

The mipangos will also benefit because they know that if the man cannot turn them into wives he is just wasting their time so they should just focus on instant material gains.