Exercise the power of your chest
Last week, I witnessed a rather interesting scene in the banking hall. A young lady was trying to get some banking done.
She was wearing a top that had a daring, plunging neckline which had the teller completely helpless and confused.
Instead of executing the transaction as fast as possible, the poor bloke was glued to the girl’s bosom.
He spent so much time on this young lass that only the hisses and grunts of waiting customers jolted him back to reality and to doing what he was hired to do.
This incident had me thinking about the crazy relationship that men have with the female thoracic compartment.
Even scientists (who are largely men) say statistics prove that the female twin towers are the first thing that men look at when they see a woman, and what they stare at for a longer time than any other body part.
They also say that ogling at women’s breasts for just a few minutes a day grants men better health and can even add four or five years to their life.
Given the amount of boob-watching that men daily do, it’s a wonder they don’t live forever.
But then we women mismanage, under-employ or wrongly apply these twin weapons of mass destruction.
We know that since the beginning of time, boobies have been used to turn grown men into helpless babies.
This is why women need to understand how and when to use their cleavage to their advantage.
Living in denial
Let us start off with how women treat their breasts. Women in the western world go through all sorts of pain and torture in a bid to up-size their boobs.
But despite being abundantly blessed this side of the equator, we behave like our men, who are forever in denial regarding the size of their member.
Unlike our men who are prone to gross exaggeration, we like to operate in a world of underestimating and downsizing. So we case our precious boobs in undersize bras and undersize tops and blouses.
So our brothers are left eternally scarred by images of squashed boobs that appear to be dying to escape from the confines of their ill-fitted support structures.
What is even more scandalous is that nowadays, we have so many ways to determine, with 100 per cent precision, what type and size of boob support really works. Women should get with the programme and wear the right bra size.
We have established that breast power, when applied properly, can deliver amazing results. However, many women stand accused of abusing this God-given power by using it willy-nilly on the wrong audiences or in the wrong venue.
MTV videos and pop culture have led many young women to believe that any time is boob time.
Less is more
Serious occasions like job interviews or even somber ones like funeral services are not viewed as a reason for one to keep the breasts slightly covered up.
What we do not know is that in many instances. less is more. It is unfair that women go into serious job interviews with their entire front office on show then turn around and complain that men do not take us seriously.
Ladies, if cleavage of 36D is not part of the job or event description than you are best keeping the babies away.
However, if you possess an exhibitionist streak, you must then invest in a good bra and for heaven’s sake put some lotion on your boobs!
Displaying ashy tits is a serious violation of other people’s human rights.
Finally, every woman must demand better treatment and respect for her boobs. Men like to express their love and adoration in various enthusiastic ways.
Some like to tug, pull and squash them endlessly. Others like to rekindle memories from their childhood by sucking and biting the living daylights out of them.
We owe it to ourselves to put a leash on such bad behaviour by making verbal and practical demonstrations on how our boobs should be treated. After all, we have the breast power.
