Honey, you’re a nag

• Women verbally pester their partners all around the world, all the time. But this is a habit that erodes the foundation a relationship is built on. Joan Thatiah offers both men and women key advice to help get rid of the nagging problem

The two words you are more likely than not to hear when a discontented man is talking about woman are, “She nags.” And this is generally a sentiment that is shared by many men all around the world.

A nagging woman the justification for driving men to work longer hours at the office, or spend all his weekend watching sports at the bar with his boys; a man will take up anything that will justify his spending less hours with a woman who is always either arguing or complaining.

Nagging rarely yields results; if anything, constant pestering only drives a significant other away and hurts the relationship. The more one party nags, the more their significant other withdraws, both physically and emotionally.

The good news for those in romantic relationships which are strained as a result of persistent complaining and pestering is that nagging isn’t inborn. It is an acquired habit, and as with other bad habits, it can be dealt with.

Armed with this knowledge, it is in a woman’s best interests if she can keep the nagging to a minimum. Learning more effective ways to communicate with her man would be a good place to begin.

Saturday magazine spoke to a number of men who shed some light on communication tendencies which annoy them and which the fairer sex cannot desist.

Nairobi based counselling psychologist Dr. Veronica Hinga offers practical tips which are key in weeding out this habit that is as old as romantic relationships, and which can bring to its knees even the strongest relationship.

Ask once

Asking for the same thing over and over seems to be the preferred manner of communication for a lot of women, which drives the average man up the wall.

What the woman needs to learn is that verbal reminders, requests and pleas said over and over don’t work. In fact, the more you ask, the less the chances of something getting done.

“When a woman keeps repeating the same thing to me, she comes across as domineering. I take it to mean that she cannot trust me to remember to do something on my own or that she always wants to have things done her way,” says Morris who is in a steady relationship.

Nagging usually puts the woman in the parent role and her significant other in the child role. According to experts, this is an unhealthy foundation for any romantic relationship.

Dr  Hinga states that it would be good advice if women learnt the art of directly stating what they want, need or expect from their partners. In her opinion, if a woman can put across her needs clearly, there would be no need for repetition. 

Timing

“If a woman tries to seek my audience in the middle of a ball game, it will be hard for me to pay attention to her,” says Robert Mugambi, who has a live-in girlfriend.

He admits that if his woman attempted to share with him while he was otherwise mentally occupied, he would barely listen to her, much less think of a solution to her problem.

A woman who is keen on building effective communication with her man should learn to talk to him when there aren’t too many other distractions going on so that he can give her his full attention. This leaves little space for misunderstandings from which nagging stems.

Brief