Is the first impression overrated?

We have been told that you can never really know a person, and that you cannot fall in love without having known someone for a considerable period of time.

However, some experts say that the opinion we form in the first few minutes of meeting a potential partner play a major role in determining the course of the relationship.

While subsequent encounters with a love interest can dilute a first impression, this initial image which can be formed within as little as three minutes of having met them never entirely fades.

Studies discredit that popular Hollywood notion of a couple hating each other at first sight only to passionately love each other later.

Psychologist David Kinyanjui describes an initial encounter as an emotionally concentrated event. In his opinion, it often captures important elements of the truth about a person’s character and temperament.

Correct assumptions

A person meeting you for the first time can make surprisingly correct assumptions about your level of intelligence, level of education and even personality.

First impressions play a major role in determining whether that special someone decides to pursue a relationship with us or not; this is especially so for a woman.

A woman who is open to meeting a potential partner will be keen on making all her first impressions great ones. This requires time, energy and intent.

Statistics place physical appearance at the top of the list of qualities which men seek in potential partners. Your image is key as it conveys to others who you are and how you view yourself.

“I see a lot of women trying to catch a man’s eye by showing too much skin,” says David Odhiambo, an accountant in Nairobi.

The way he sees it, while a skimpily dressed woman may get attention at first glance, it will be the wrong kind of attention.

“If the first image of a woman is one where she is showing too much skin, my opinion will be based on sex. I will see her as an object of pleasure rather than a potential romantic partner,” David says.

The right look

A woman keen on creating a good first impression should thus strive to maintain a good appearance at all times. You need not be drop dead gorgeous to achieve this.

Maintain good health, take care of your skin and dress appropriately in a way that suit your body structure. When you are dressed appropriately, you feel calm and self-confident, a trait which comes off as very attractive to men.

The eyes are a medium of strong non-verbal communication. “When I have particular interest in someone, I will hold eye contact with him for a second or two longer than I would with anyone else,” says Jenifer, a university student.

Avoiding eye contact, on the other hand, reflects a lack of interest or low self-confidence, which is unattractive. Aiming intimidating stares at a potential date is also a bad idea.

If you are keen on appearing friendly and approachable, keep your body language open. Posture is a significant part of body language. An inviting posture makes you appear approachable even before you have uttered a word. Uncrossing your arms and relaxing your shoulders would be a good place to begin.

A woman’s attitude is usually a reflection of how she feels about herself. Unlike your thoughts, your attitude can be read within the first few seconds of meeting someone.

A smile, for instance, communicates a friendly attitude and interest.

“If a woman smiles at me when she sees me for the first time, I take it to mean that she is friendly and approachable,” says Elias Macharia, 30.

A second chance

Contrary to popular belief, fake smiles are a bad idea as most people are able to unconsciously discern genuine ones from fake ones. According to Kinyanjui, a fake smile makes one seen insincere while a genuine one projects a positive attitude and puts both you and the other person at ease.

Studies suggest that a bad first impression can be harder to overcome than a betrayal occurring after a relationship has taken off.

But the good news for those who may have had a first encounter with a love interest is that with a chance to interact again and some effort, it is possible to reverse a negative first impression.

It is vital to show an awareness of what you did wrong during your first meeting. Then ensure that all future behaviour is consistent with how you want your probable Mr Right to perceive you.

Be at your best every day because you might have your first encounter with that special someone when you least expect it. All it takes is a little extra thought and preparation.