Miserable, misguided Monica

• Bill Clinton’s former mistress wants to write a tell-all… 15 years after everyone stopped caring about her

Last week, I came across an article that mentioned something about Monica Lewinsky’s latest decision to publish secret love letters that she shared with former US President Bill Clinton.

You will remember Lewinsky as the woman who had an affair with Clinton while he was still president, and nearly felled his tenure.

If the book goes ahead, Lewinsky will tell the whole world about the former President’s love of orgies, threesomes and sex toys (given the cigar story, I am not sure this is news).

I hope that Monica gets a ton of cash 15 years after the happenings. But in my humble opinion, she has lost the plot on this one. If I were her, I would just zip it and move on.

To begin with, Lewinsky squandered what could have been one of the greatest opportunities of her life, in my view. Back then, she might have thought she was special enough to make a serious dent and impact on Clinton’s marriage but how wrong she turned out to be.

She forgot the one obvious thing about married men; most of them love being in the comfort zone that comes with marriage. They may claim to detest their wives but most of them acknowledge that they love coming home to a home-cooked meal and a subservient woman.

Above all else, most men are too emotionally lazy to walk out of marriage. To cap it all, married men have all manner of bandages to help them get over marital problems. They have pubs to escape to and ‘young ‘uns’ to massage their egos and prop their groins.

And to cap it all, Clinton was not just another man; he was the most powerful man in the free world.

Give it up and move on

He was willing to make that annoying confessional TV declaration, willing to put up with sleeping on the couch, all because he knew he wanted to remain married. I am almost willing to bet that Bill has not been losing sleep that thanks to his actions.

Meanwhile, poor Monica will soon be a 40-year-old spinster who cannot even rake a tenth of the kind of fees that Bill makes for one speech.

Instead of using the Oval Office to her advantage back then, she disappeared into the background. Well, 15 years later, she ought to have gotten it; Clinton is just another married man. He had his cake and ate it, too.

Girls like Monica who choose to play with married blokes had better make sure they get some compensation for their troubles because at some point, these men go scurrying back to their wives. Love a married man if you must, but get with the programme.

Despite my love for books and gossip, I would rather buy the next book in the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy than hear about Clinton’s love for orgies. He is now 66 and with a known heart problem, so it might be a bit hard to conjure images of him engaging in the feats that Monica talks about.

I am also upset because she is behaving like many of my sisters who go on mindless revenge missions to fix a guy just because they broke up.

Swift revenge

Ladies, every human being (men included) has the right to walk away from any relationship that does not deliver what he expected.

When a guy breaks up with you, take something for your pain or visit a shrink. Telling everyone about what he did is just pure entertainment and gives us more reason to understand why he dumped you in the first place.