Outsmart the other woman
That keeping a mistress is becoming a lifestyle of sorts is old news in Kenya today.
Married men, both young and old alike, are straying beyond their matrimonial beds in droves.
The reality is that fidelity , is a hard thing to come by these days. The standard explanation given for this behaviour, by those who indulge in it is that men are biologically predisposed to cheat.
A recent scientific study which caused quite a stir pegged this notion on a particular gene that propels men to be unfaithful. Contrary to this popular belief, experts are of the opinion that a woman has a hand in whether her man cheats or remains faithful.
According to Dr. Laura Schlesinger, an American psychologist and popular radio host, a woman shares some of the blame when her man cheats.
A woman who knows what could drive her significant other into the arms of another woman is thus better placed in this challenge to keep him faithful. According to Schlesinger, there are several things that will make your man think twice before finally deciding to stray.
Sex
Sex is important to a man – all men. Armed with this knowledge, women take to withholding sex from their partners as a form of revenge or more often, in a bid to manipulate him to do something for her.
In the heat of an argument between a couple, it’s not uncommon to hear a woman shout, “Don’t touch me! Unknown to the woman, this only hurts her cause.
While it would be nice if sex didn’t play such a major role in relationships, a man values his physical needs and if he feels that they are not being met, he is bound to look elsewhere for the comfort. Even the most patient ones will snap at some point and give in.
It is, therefore, in a woman’s best interests that she should make regular sex available to her partner – good loving which she should also expect in return.
Whereas men have learnt to separate a quarrel from physical intimacy, most women will avoid any form of intimacy until the thorny issue is resolved.
Appreciate him
Few things will delight a man more than having his ego stroked. Men seek to be made to feel good about themselves - an art the present-day mistresses seem to have mastered.
A woman thus ought to make her partner feel understood, valued and desired.
Give honest compliments where they are due and be interested in what is happening in his life.
If he went out to watch a football, match make a point of asking how the game went.
When a man feels inferior or insignificant to his partner, he is naturally compelled to find a woman who appreciates and makes him feel like a man and this will usually be a woman who does not make much demand on him.
This explains why a man will often cheat with a woman much lower in the looks or brains department compared to his wife. This other woman knows how to inflate his ego and will do it fully to her advantage.
Cut the routine
Maintaining intimacy and a healthy sex life especially after having children is not an easy task for the woman. Balancing career, motherhood, housework and wife duties can put a damper on a woman’s libido not to mention that all this is draining.
Truth be told, intimacy shared at a specific time and place over a period of time turns into a boring routine especially for the man making him susceptible to the charm of the other woman who may be more adventurous and less inhibited.
It helps if a woman reintroduces spontaneity in a relationship even after the babies come.
For instance, she could initiate lovemaking for a change.
She could also suggest trying something different like getting intimate in places not traditionally reserved for having sex.
This will arouse in her partner an increased interest in intimacy and in her.
The neglected wife
After years of marriage, women tend to think they have a grip on their husbands thus feeling that there’s no need to bother about looking good anymore.
In the process, the totally let go of their appearance.
What slips their minds is that men are visual creatures who get stimulated by what they see. So yes, this means that a woman who completely neglects her appearance should not act surprised when her partner strays.
Worse still, the man may take his woman’s neglect of appearance as a sign that she is no longer attracted to him. By appearance, I don’t mean striving to become a size zero or sporting clothes straight off the run way.
I’m talking about maintaining a high standard of hygiene and choosing well-fitting clothes which flatter your body type.
Those grey stockings worn on the head and old oversized branded T-shirts worn to bed are a complete turn off. An all-year-round fresh look will make your man see you in a different light apart from the fact that it also boosts your self-image.
Let him know the consequences
Many men cheat simply because they think they can get away with it. The knowledge that no one will know and that nothing will happen if someone did know is reason enough for some men to cheat.
Men know how to emotionally manipulate a woman so that she doesn’t catch onto what he is doing behind her back. A woman can counter this by letting her man know in advance how it would hurt their relationship if he ever decided to cheat on her.
If a woman feels that she wouldn’t give the relationship another try in case her husband strayed, she ought to say so in no uncertain terms. This way, he will think twice before taking the plunge when he gets an opportunity to cheat.
Find mutual interests
One of the main reasons why couples drift apart both emotionally and physically is that they no longer have any common interests.
This explains why married men often hit the sack with women they work with.
A woman who is keen on keeping her man grounded should find out what they both love to pursue the same or at least show some interest. It could be playing simple two person games, trying new restaurants, taking a class; anything which you both enjoy and which brings you closer.
You will find your husband enjoying your company while you enjoy the new activity.
The fact that you will spend a lot of time together gives him fewer chances of temptations to cheat and is a plus for the woman.
Be his best friend
Men value friendships.
A woman should thus aim at becoming best friends with her partner. She should be the person with whom he can share intimately for hours; to whom he can truly confess his faults and fears and let his flaws be seen. According to psychologist Dr Gary Smalley, you will not achieve best friend status by simply living under the same roof with a man.
It requires perseverance, patience, understanding and genuine love. Just as you would never knowingly hurt your best friend, neither would your husband.
If you are that person he runs to when he is going through a rough patch, you will be the last person he wants to hurt; and cheating on you amounts to hurting you.
Nurture a genuine friendship with him and you will not have to worry about him cheating on you.
Give him space
In any meaningful relationship, it is important that both partners exist as individuals before they can grow as a couple. If a woman constantly keeps her man under watch, he will feel suffocated and will naturally pull away inevitably into the arms of another.
Give him space to be his own person. Time to be with his friends and to be a man. If there is an activity he enjoys on his own, let him take part in it without making him feel guilty about it.
Space given in this way has a way of bringing a couple closer. You will be surprised when he begins to miss you.
WHAT NOT TO DO
Don’t nag
As much as women tend to be much more expressive than their male counterparts, it would be wise if you kept the nagging to a minimum.
Continued pestering about everything and anything will only make the man angry. As a result, he will take to longer at the bar or ‘working late’.If his woman pushes the boundaries with the nagging, it is inevitable that he will look for an escape route and more often than not, it will be a woman with whom he can have good conversations and with whom he is more relaxed.
Nagging rarely accomplishes anything. Learn to communicate your needs to your husband in a clear, calm way. And once something has been discussed, let it go. Don’t keep bringing it up every time you have a quarrel.
Don’t snoop
It’s human nature to feel like snooping just to keep abreast of what your man may not be telling you.
But when a man finds out that you are spying on him, it puts the wrong message across to him. A man may take it to mean that you don’t trust him.
It may sound lame, but there are those men who will cheat because they feel that you don’t trust them in the first place. When they find out about your doubts, loyalty to you ceases to be important. Save yourself all the drama.
If your partner gives you a reason to doubt them, ask him directly about it. And never , never discuss your doubts with all and sundry.
No one wants to feel like his life is hang out there on the drying line.
Don’t cheat
If you expect fidelity from your man then do your part and stay faithful to him. A man on the receiving end of infidelity takes it as a challenge to his very manhood. When a man finds out that his woman has cheated on him, he is more than likely to also cheat on her in retaliation.Cheating in retaliation is a common avenue for the man on the receiving end of infidelity to seek validation. That he’s still a man.
Don’t wear blinders
Women are known for assuming that air of everything being fine even when there are signs indicating otherwise.
She is usually subconsciously hoping that if she ignores a problem then it will go away. We have often heard a woman naively saying that all men are cheats except their fathers and husbands.
Women need to know that any man has the potential to cheat, as a result, she will be able to see it when it comes.
There are always signs when there is a problem in the relationship.
A woman should be able to tell when her husband is experiencing a behaviour change. He may suddenly become distant emotionally and physically or speak with her less than he used to; all early signs that he may be cheating.
Recognising the problem early gives a woman a chance to nip it in the bud by talking it through before it becomes a full blown affair.
Don’t start throwing stones at me just yet. I’m not, by any chance implying that it is wholly a woman’s fault when her man cheats.
There is the lot that are serial cheats and do it because they want a variety of women and there is nothing a woman can do about that but leave him if she cannot stand it.
As long as she plays her cards right, a woman ought to understand that it is his lack of honesty that led to the cheating and refrain from resorting to self blame.
Such a man does not deserve you so leave if he is not willing to change.
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