Tackling an office romance

Recently engaged Joram and Mwende met at their work station three years ago and formed a friendship that has led to their impending walk down the aisle.

“What worked for us was the fact that we had similar interests and the same educational background.

"After having spent a lot of time together, we knew each other fairly well and we were certain that we had the same level of interest in the relationship,” Joram says.

Present-day jobs demand that we work hard and long so both men and women spend more time at their work place than they do socialising.

It is thus natural that a lot of people at least once in their lives get romantically attracted to a colleague or witness a love brewed in the office.

Like Joram and Mwende’s, workplace romances can flourish into long-term commitments. In fact, experts believe that workplace romances, if handled correctly, can increase employee productivity.

According to Nairobi-based counselor and relationship expert Joyce Kariuki, romance at the office remains a sensitive issue that is potentially disastrous if handled incorrectly.

There are certain factors that shouldn’t be overlooked if a romantic relationship with a workmate is to survive.

Know company policies

Owing to the fear that getting involved with a workmate will lower a couple’s productivity, there are companies that discourage workplace romance, with some even prohibiting it.

Before getting emotionally entangled with a colleague, it is wise to find out if the organisation you work for has such a policy in place.

An organisation may discourage co-workers from pairing up but lack clear-cut policies.

If you are new in the organisation and you feel attracted to a co-worker, take some time to look around and see if other employees get involved with each other.

Take it slow

If you find that the company tolerates workplace romances, do some groundwork to find out whether your love interest has had previous relationships at the workplace and how they ended.

Most importantly, ascertain that he or she is unattached. Workplace affairs with married people always end badly.

Be also sure that your love interest will have the maturity to remain professional at the workplace.

If you decide to take the plunge, talk about it with your love interest beforehand and set the boundaries.

It is likely that your superiors will watch you more keenly once they know that you have a relationship and it is thus in your best interests to ensure that your productivity is not affected.

Stay focused during working hours and keep relations with your love interest professional.

According to Joyce, keeping a relationship secret is emotionally unhealthy.

At the other extreme, flaunting your relations at the workplace is a bad idea.

Public displays of affection will make your workmates uncomfortable around you and breed hostility, not to mention that it comes across as unprofessional.

A good way of working around this would be speaking about your relationship with co-workers on a need-to-know basis; admit to it when you are asked but leave out the details. Similarly, avoid bringing your fights to the office.

It can be a thrill at the beginning of a relationship to spend every waking moment with your love interest.

Prolonged constant contact, however, stifles emotional growth and breeds over-familiarity.

Each partner needs personal space so that a relationship can grow.

If your significant other is your colleague, it is healthy to maintain a different circle of friends outside the office.

Subordinate-supervisor relationships

Getting involved with someone who you report to or who directly reports to you is risky.

Before getting involved, be sure that this person is as interested in you as you are in them.

A subordinate may give in to advances from the boss for fear of job loss, resulting in awkward moments and possible harassment charges later on.

More often than not, such a relationship will provoke accusations of favouritism and claims of unfairly awarded promotions from other colleagues.

To counter these, refrain from giving your love interest what could be interpreted as preferential treatment.

“Dating your superior means that you need to work twice as hard as everyone else to get recognition and it becomes hard for him or her to take disciplinary action against you,” says Monica, a teacher whose husband was the principal of the school she was teaching in when they met.

A subordinate-supervisor love relationship often presents a conflict of interest and can result in the employer transferring, demoting or even sacking one of the parties.

Before taking the plunge, decide whether that relationship will be worth leaving the job or making changes for if need be.

“Our employer was a private school and we knew that our relationship would be frowned upon.

"We spoke about it early on, and when our relationship became obvious and caused a stir, I moved jobs. Looking back, it was all worth it,” Monica says.

Getting involved with someone on the same employment level isn’t always smooth sailing either.

You may find yourselves competing for the same posts and promotions, meaning that you begin working against each other.

Competition is an unhealthy foundation for a romantic relationship.

Break ups

We get into serious relationships hoping that they will last forever, but if your love interest is a colleague at the office, you might want to consider beforehand whether you can handle the consequences of a break up.

“A workplace romance gone sour can cost you your job and even your reputation,” Omsolo says from experience.

The 35-year-old had an intense eight-month relationship with a woman who reported to him.

He admits that he had reservations at first but the woman also seemed keen on a serious relationship and he decided that the risk was worth it.

When their relationship went sour, she turned against him and accused him of sexual harassment.

“It was my word against hers and I ended up being demoted before I was pressured to quit. If you have to date a colleague, it is wiser to date within your level,” he advises.

If for some reason a relationship with a work mate breaks down, keep the break up amicable.

The tension and feelings of hurt that come with an ugly breakup are bound to affect your efficiency and even those working closely with you.

Instances where workmates are forced to take sides after a break up affect teamwork and can threaten the employment of those involved.