Tame that old flame

Every break up is painful, both for the initiator and for the affected, although the degree of heartache depends on the circumstances under which a break-up occurs.

However, the more difficult part of the break up is deciding how to deal with your ex. Should you remain friends? Or should you spurn them forever after?

Many people in relationships, even marriage, will tell you that they still hang out with their former lovers.

Some will say that they have not seen their ex since they broke up. Many other are civil with their exes, but are not close friends.

This week, Saturday magazine talked to a several people about their relationship with their ex-lovers, and summarises the types of exes you may encounter.

Mrs Janet Mbogo a counselling psychologist in private practice in Nairobi, further suggests a few tips on how to manage the different types of exes.

The investigator

Can be either male or female. He/she would have made a very good career as an intelligence officer.

He/she polices all you do and always knows what you are up to.

He is the first to know that you have changed house, how you are doing financially or where your child goes to school.

When you start a new relationship, he/she knows with whom, and will find out what sort of person they are.

There is no reason for the information-gathering other than that they seem to glean a certain amount of satisfaction from simply having it.

However, he/she may want you to know he is abreast with your progress or failure.

Management: Ignore him or her, as there isn’t real danger here.

However, try as much as possible to keep your distance.

Also, avoid interaction with this ex’s close buddies or relatives, as they could be one of the agents of his intrusive behaviour.

The parrot

Like the investigator, this one is an intelligence gatherer.