Differences between women who have found love… and those who haven’t

• Why is it that some women seem to have effortlessly found the man of their dreams, while others are still kissing frogs? Perhaps because the former know some secrets that the latter could use.

It is surprising that as women, we are able to climb the career ladder fast by applying simple but great principles, yet these principles do not feature anywhere in our love lives.

Here are some simple but profound principles that are applied in career and in business that, if applied to your love life, could see you bagging that man of your dreams.

1.Those who have found love are willing to be friends first. Those who haven’t will rush into things.

Women who go from one relationship to the other tend to have ‘Damsel in Distress’ syndrome, in that they are looking for a Prince Charming to come along and whisk them out of life’s problems.

They rarely, if ever, look at their boyfriends as real people with problems and deficiencies of their own, and should they ever see those deficiencies, then they would rather break it off than be with a ‘real’ human being.

On the contrary, women who are successful at relationships are willing to be friends first with their partners, and to support them when they need propping up.

Alfred Nyutu who has been married to his wife Pauline for four years, gets just that from her.

“Apart from her extreme beauty and respect, she has a heart of gold. She is my life’s complement,” he says.

They have known each other for 22 years, and Pauline offers this advice to women who would like to be in successful marriages: “Take time to know each other and be each other’s best friend.”

Erick Kibuga, a marketer in his 20s, has known his wife Kari for six years although they have been married for one.

“We were friends before we started dating and got to know each other very well. I found my match in that she was, and is, everything that I had been praying for. It’s not every day that you come across someone who challenges you and makes you a better person,” he says.

Kari adds, “I was there for him through the highs and the lows and most of all, I was me. I did not put up a front. I taught him how to loosen up, laugh and play, enjoy each day as it comes.”

2. Those who have found love continually learn and grow each day. Those who haven’t believe learning ended when the last school bell rang.

Most ladies think it is cool to shout from the rooftops that they cannot cook, that they don’t love the kitchen and babies are just not their thing.

What you forget is that most men are looking for stability in their homes; they want to be able to go out there to catch the fish knowing that when they come back there will be someone to fry it up and they can have a decent meal.

This is the exact principle Liz, a 32-year-old advertising sales executive, applied.

“On my first date with Godi I realised I had messed it all up by telling him just how much the kitchen was not my thing. After our first date I realised he wasn’t into me. I analysed it all and wondered where I could have gone wrong – I was pretty, I had dressed decently, I had a great career going on, and it hit me hard on how I had marketed myself with all these qualities except where it mattered, the kitchen. I really liked this man and wanted a second chance at making a good impression. For one week I spent my evenings looking through the internet for chicken recipes. I found a brilliant one and invited Godi over to my house for dinner. He was shocked and impressed at the same time,” beams Liz.

“After that date, he started looking at me differently. That was the beginning of a great relationship that led to marriage three years ago,” she says.