Pain of growing up with dual sexual identity

• 24-year-old Daniel seeks help, saying he is tired of being taunted by friends

He is already a mature person at the age of 24, but for Daniel Kighala, life has been a nightmare because of a lifelong identity crisis.

He has assumed a male identity, but to date is unsure of his real gender having since childhood lived with both male and female sexual organs.

He has faced cruel taunts most of his life, and his mother and four siblings agonize over how to refer to him; as son or daughter; or brother or sister.

The word sex

“I break into a sweat whenever I hear the word ‘sex’ uttered because what do I tell people. I’m neither male nor female,” he says when he recently visited Mombasa looking for help.

Kighala’s problem was spotted as soon as he was born in Taita, but at the time the medical staff advised his mother to wait until he was a little older for proper diagnosis.

“Since then I have not taken him back to hospital, I have not had time because my husband left me and I had to concentrate on raising children,” said Mrs Vellentina Mkashambi.

His father had by then insisted on a boy’s name, an identity Kighala assumed despite the doubts and confusion as he grew up.

Tears roll down his cheeks as he recounts his lifelong ordeal.

“I really want to know my identity; this situation has left me asking myself why it had to happen to me,” he said.

He was forced to abandon his education at Kighononyi Primary School in standard six because of being taunted by other pupils.

“I could not withstand fellow pupils ridiculing and laughing at me as a result of my condition,” he went on, explaining how he even contemplated suicide.

He does not even have a national identity card, he explains, because he is unable to fill the forms where one is supposed to indicate whether they are “male or female”.

As he grew up with a male identity, he resorted to tightly strapping the breasts that started to protrude from his chest.

Two big rubber bands strapped on his chest make the breasts hardly noticeable when he is in a shirt.