Are Kenyan women wearing the trousers?

• What defines the modern Kenyan woman, what’s her place in society, what does the future hold for her? What about her man? Has he lost it completely, as we hear frequently? Eight panellists recently tackled these issues in a roundtable discussion on one of the most pervasive but least-debated transformations of Kenyan society — until now. The talk was moderated by
  Nation’s ANN GITAO. Excerpts:

An African woman visiting the country for the first time recently had this to say about the Kenyan woman: “I find her arrogant, she talks too loudly and drinks too much. Then she added: But I admire her courage, confidence and pride. She has certainly come a long way.”

Eva Muraya: Not all Kenyan women are necessarily like the one described by the visitor, but I agree that compared to her Ugandan or Tanzanian counterparts, she does seem louder, more independent and confident.

Dr Chris Hart: This is not a unique phenomenon. The Kenyan woman’s transformation is part of a worldwide trend. Education has been a key driver of this transformation and it has helped propel the success of this woman.

Jane Karuku: The ability to achieve has always been there, even uneducated women display leadership traits.

Our grandmothers made key decisions on who went to school, when land could be sold, etc. It’s just that they did not appear to be the ones making the decisions — it was always the man’s decision.

Their confidence grew when they were left at home to fend for themselves as men went to the bush to fight the colonial masters.

Ken Ouko: The focus is no longer on a partner for child bearing purposes but a partner for economic progress.

Chris Hart: But urban women seem to be displaying this more, especially single women. The woman the visitor was talking about must be single.

Pinky Ghelani: No, married women also go out and you can find them in groups enjoying each other’s company.

I think the Kenyan woman has become extremely honest. When we want to go out we are bold enough to say so and we are honest about it. I think these other women are just not as honest.

Eva: Before you become bold, you have to be honest with yourself. Kenyan women are now in a position where they can express what is happening inside them. They have become bold after this self examination, which is good.

I know there are some who take things a bit too far but basically, I think it is because of this that many women are now able to express themselves and that scares the men a lot.

Moderator: Let’s move on: What effect has women’s ascendancy had on marriage, family life, the workplace?

Ken: There is a book I have out there in the market called Marriages Are Made In Heaven So Are Thunder And Lightning. Most of the stuff in the book is not the writer’s … most of it is a product, a result of what has been going on and in the Kenyan context two things have happened.

The Kenyan woman is not just a wife any more. She is a partner, unlike other women in the region, and she is very honest about it and she negotiates her place in the marriage. That has not happened in Uganda or in Zambia where women there still have the “yes sir” mentality.

Are you aware that Kenya ranks third in the world in terms of marital violence after Columbia and the United States? This is because the Kenyan man feels threatened by the woman’s increasing independence and batters his spouse and children to make his presence felt.

But the Kenyan woman has shed the wife tag and is now a partner to the husband, and she’s not doing badly. She is not a competitor but a partner in progress. They are collaborating and saying “let’s do it like this” and the man is listening.

But women between 25 and 35 are finding it hard to find a good male partner because they have become more confident, more demanding. Few men are confident enough to take them on in the marriage stakes, so my fear is that we are going to have a lot of single families.