Glitz, a free magazine and loud taxis greet delegates at county bosses’ meeting

It was billed as the biggest show in the region after the Ameru festival.

And it lived up to the billing Wednesday when county bosses and their retinue of advisers and hangers-on trooped into the county for the third devolution conference.

As expected, the dominant vehicle of choice for the governors was the Toyota Prado.

But the man of the moment was Nairobi Governor Evans Kidero. As five governors were waiting for the arrival of the Namibian Prime Minister, Mr Kidero drove in with outriders and three escort cars, sirens blaring .

The governors rushed to the vehicle, thinking it was the premier. When Mr Kidero alighted, the governors outside gave a dejected loud “Ahhhhhh” grunt.

“Ni mimi bwana. Relax,” said Mr Kidero as he greeted his peers. It was not lost on many that the Nairobi County boss motorcade had sirens, clearly breaking the law.

Confusion also characterised protocol officials when members of the Senate complained that there were no tables on the VIP podium.

NO GLASSES

Chief Justice Willy Mutunga, the Namibian Prime Minister and others at the podium had the water but no glasses.

One of them gestured for a glass. Five suddenly appeared.

The ostentatiousness was outright embarrassing when the governors’ tableware arrived in a Toyota Prado.

Cutlery for other delegates was brought in by an outside catering van.

The media centre was moved three times, finally ending up behind several noisy generators where journalists could hardly hear one another.

The many flags flying at the venue offered lessons in history, botany, zoology and animal husbandry: Nakuru’s flamingo, Makueni’s bunch of fruits and Vihiga’s chicken.

The conference was overshadowed by a spat between Senator Kiraitu Murungi and Governor Peter Munya.

On Wednesday morning, delegates received a free publication in their hotels critical of the Meru governor.

Headlined “Munya’s reign of terror and plunder”, Meru Confidential tore into the governor with Shakespearian English and idioms that showed the writer had a way with words but needed lessons in decorum and grammar.

“Munya has become an oracle. He has reduced the county to a commercial aristocracy with sycophants whose core function is to project him as an object of idolatry (sic)”, one of the sentences read.
But to visitors, Meru has its set of peculiarities.

TAXIS HOOTING

The first thing they found strange but residents are used to is the incessant hooting.

It baffled even journalists. But locals explained that it was taxi thing.

Apparently, hooting is their way of attracting passengers.

It is not strange to see many people crammed in a four-seater.

“It is our way of coping with boda bodas. Riders were almost taking over our business because of their mobility. But we changed tact and now they are feeling the heat,” Mr Mugo Muriungi, a taxi driver said.

Meru is synonymous with ‘miraa’. And that is visible in bars and clubs, which have special sections for those who chew khat.

Waiters just bring sodas as revellers go about their business and chew ‘gitundu’, the name given to the twig.

Members of the world’s oldest profession also flocked the streets but they were not conspicuous due to an ongoing crackdown by county officials ahead of the conference.

For those who want to experience real nightlife in Meru, Makutano is the place to be. It is the Eastleigh of Meru.

It is a 24-hour economy full of swanky and dingy nightclubs, loud music, skimpily dressed women and the loudest and most cantankerous service providers.