Are you addicted to masturbation?

Lucy* was young, fresh out of college and highly impressionable when she met Jared at her new place of work. Jared was leaving for a new job and the two started dating.

Within a year, they were married and Lucy was pregnant, but by the time their son Andy was born, she had realised that she was completely unprepared for the responsibilities of marriage and motherhood.

The couple fought constantly because Lucy felt that Jared was not taking on his fair share of responsibility. He preferred to hang out with his friends while she dealt with colic and diapers.

By the time Andy turned two, Jared had left Lucy to raise the child on her own. It took six years of bitterness and court custody battles before the dust settled.

Andy would spend two weekends a month at his father’s house, but unfortunately, parenting wasn’t Jared’s strongest suit.

STASH OF ADULT MOVIES

He kept a stash of adult movies within reach, and over time Andy started watching them when he was at his father’s house. By the time he was 13, Andy was masturbating regularly.

At 15, his mother discovered that he was addicted to masturbation. She was devastated. Not knowing who to turn to, Lucy sought help from Andy’s paediatrician and the journey to deal with the issue conclusively began.

Masturbation is seeking erotic pleasure through self-stimulation and self-arousal with the end goal being sexual gratification.

In many Western countries, it is regarded as a normal part of sexual well-being, but in more reserved communities especially those with strong religious backgrounds, masturbation is frowned upon.

Medically, masturbation is sometimes encouraged in a special category of patients to help them learn how to manage their sexual urges without putting themselves at risk. This includes patients on medication that may heighten sexual desire as a side effect.

It is important to recognise when masturbation crosses the line; when it ceases to be part of a person’s sexual function and crosses into the realm of sexual dysfunction.

WIFE DISGUSTED

This was the case with Pam’s husband. Their three-year marriage was falling apart and their sexual life had gone to the dogs. The man was more interested in pleasuring himself and spent all his free time in bed watching pornography on his phone and masturbating.

Pam was fed up of washing up after him. She was so disgusted by his actions that she wouldn’t allow him to touch her. Her husband refused to talk about it when she broached the subject.

Her friends told her that her husband would soon suffer from infertility, premature ejaculation, memory loss, hair loss, homosexuality and other effects based on old wives’ tales.

One is said to be addicted to masturbation, when the urge to masturbate becomes compulsive, excessive and unreasonable. There is an overriding urgency to seek gratification at the expense of all else. The addict will neglect their responsibilities, family, friends and social events to satisfy their urges.

Pam noticed that her husband would no longer in family activities such as going to church, for lunch or watching TV together. He stopped going out to watch football with his friends and even stopped drinking.

HATE CONFRONTATION

On Andy’s part, his school performance dropped, he wouldn’t complete his assignments and would not participate in after-school activities. His teachers complained that he did not concentrate in class and would doze off during lessons.

He even gave up on his first love, swimming. At home, he stayed in his room listening to music and unknown to his mum, masturbating. It took his mother a long time to figure out what was going on.

A person addicted to masturbation will be consumed by it, spending every time he or she has alone, seeking self-pleasure. He or she harbours a lot of guilt and close up or get offended when confronted about the habit. Masturbation addiction afflicts both men and women from all walks of life, but it is more common among younger people.

The first step to dealing with it is removing social, religious and cultural biases. The affected individual needs support to handle a habit that has had a negative impact on their life.

The care required brings together various specialists with the knowledge, skills and experience in handling sexual dysfunction. This includes specialist gynaecologists with a special focus on sexual health, psychiatrists and counselling psychologists.

SEEK HELP

Like any other addiction, the patient needs to acknowledge that they have a problem and be willing to seek help. Therapy is targeted at getting the patient to acknowledge the problem, face the underlying triggers and be willing to modify behaviour to achieve a healthy sexual balance once again.

Extra help is needed for children and adolescents who have already been exposed to sexual content that is beyond their age. Most adolescents are at an age when it is doubly difficult to seek help from their parents when it comes to matters sex and sexuality.

Therefore, parents should create and maintain open channels of communication with their children to deal with matters such as masturbation addiction.

As for those exposing their own offspring to explicit sexual content, it is no different from setting them on the track of an oncoming train. It is reckless endangerment of a minor!