Learn to choose your battles wisely in your love life

Some people cope well with life’s irritations while others panic. Don’t be one of those. The stress will eventually ruin your health, your career and your relationships. Instead, recognise which battles you should fight, and which you shouldn’t and learn to react better to setbacks.

So any time you feel an argument coming on, ask yourself whether the situation is really important enough for a confrontation. And whatever you do, don’t start getting riled up until you’ve decided how to deal with the issue because not all problems are equal. Some don’t matter at all, especially in the long run, while some seem crucial at the time, but the emotional effort involved is too great.

Only fight battles where the benefits outweigh the costs. Which never includes fighting with someone who is going to be out of your life anyway in a few minutes! And as writer Dale Carnegie said, ‘picking your battles is impressive.’

This is because if you only confront people over important issues, you’ll be taken seriously, while if you fight over everything you’ll just be seen as a troublemaker. So start reframing minor irritations.

Like seeing an annoying delay as a chance to relax, instead of a waste of time. And by asking whether the situation really is that critical.

Will it matter in a year’s time? Almost certainly not. Recognise that most events are insignificant, so it’s how you react to them that really counts. Try agreeing more in arguments. You may learn something, and your relationships will definitely improve. If you’re being criticised, try agreeing with the criticism. You’ll stop feeling insulted and there won’t be an argument.

When faced with a problem you can’t solve, or are afraid of, start by tackling it in short bursts. Your subconscious will work on the problem in the background, and the solution will likely just pop into your head. Or maybe you’re just a perpetual worrier? Don’t try to suppress your worries.

Instead, give them your full attention for five minutes, and then decide to put them aside and revisit them at a specific time later. Postponing your worries means you’re controlling them, rather than letting them control you.

Not sweating the small stuff is especially important in relationships because if you’re endlessly arguing about small stuff, like tidying the bathroom, then that’s probably a sign that your relationship may not work out.

Only fight battles that have serious, long-term implications, let everything else go, and learn to enjoy the differences between you because most relationships aren’t ended by a single incident, instead, they’re slowly swamped by endless mindless bickering.

It is therefore important to figure out what your triggers are, and decide to ignore them. Learn what really annoys your partner, and stop doing it.

Learn how to compromise gracefully, and as in all the other aspects of your life, focus your energy into identifying what the real problems are and fixing them. And leave the small stuff to take care of itself, you will be much happier, and so will your spouse.