Help! My husband keeps saying he’ll strangle me to death
Many people are guilty of judging women who stay in abusive relationships.
What you need to know:
- It is important we commence with dispelling the misconception of domestic violence, also called intimate partner violence (IPV).
- Conversations about IPV always come back to “why does the woman stay?”
Dear Vivian,
I have been trapped in an abusive marriage for the past four years, enduring physical, mental, and emotional abuse. Despite contemplating leaving, the challenges of providing for my two young children in these tough economic times have made it difficult. My wake-up call has been the alarming rise in femicide. My husband has told me several times that he will strangle me to death. I now fear for my life. I am also ashamed that people will judge me for not speaking out for so long. What should I do?
Josephine Anyango,
Kiserian
Dear Josephine,
It is important we commence with dispelling the misconception of domestic violence, also called intimate partner violence (IPV).
Conversations about IPV always come back to “why does the woman stay?”
This issue is often spoken about as if it is a simple solution that if someone is abusive to you, you just walk away.
This has been proved to be difficult with the increasing number of women who are economically dependent on their spouses or partners.
The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that almost a third of women experience some form of physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime.
According to the WHO, as many as 38 per cent of all murders of women are committed by intimate partners.
In Kenya, there are legal frameworks in place to protect you. An example is the Protection Against Domestic Violence Act, a vital piece of legislation that addresses various forms of abuse within intimate relationships.
This Act recognises the rights of individuals to live free from violence, and provides mechanisms for obtaining protection orders, especially when the abuser has made or is continuing to make threats.
To begin this process, get an accountability partner from your trusted circles to accompany you to the police station. If you have any physical injuries, visit a hospital and keep the receipts.
Documenting incidents of physical, mental and emotional abuse is crucial to building a case. At this point, it is important you get to safety by contacting safe houses, trusted relatives or friends.
Legal aid services are available to ensure you access justice. Organisations such as the Federation of Women Lawyers (Fida) Kenya and the Centre for Rights Education and Awareness Kenya are dedicated to providing legal support for women experiencing gender-based violence.
They can assist in initiating legal proceedings, including filing for divorce or separation, and guide you through the complexities of family law, especially where children are involved.
Importantly so, these organisations will help you join an economic empowerment class and acquire skills to sustain you financially. They will also help with psychosocial support.
It is important to emphasise that the legal system is designed to protect victims and you should not hesitate to reach out for help.
Kenyan courts have also shown a commitment to addressing domestic violence cases seriously, with decisions often stressing the need for protection and justice for victims.
Vivian
The writer is an Advocate of the High Court of Kenya and award-winning civil society lawyer ([email protected]).
