Let’s destigmatise male victims of domestic violence
Any man caught in the grips of an abusive relationship should be brave enough to report.
What you need to know:
- Domestic violence against men is a real issue that has long been shrouded in silence and stigma.
- Despite statistics showing over 40 per cent of domestic violence victims are male, outdated patriarchal norms discourage men from speaking up about abuse.
- It's time to break this cycle by redefining masculinity as prioritising safety over ego.
Men hurt women, women hurt men. With this in mind, the conversation regarding domestic abuse needs to change. For too long, domestic violence against men has been an issue shrouded in shame and silence. The vice has consistently been portrayed as a crime perpetrated by men against women. The harsh reality, however, is that women are also culprits.
While it is common to hear women speak out about their experiences of abuse from partners, the same isn't often true for men. A heavy silence masks the assertion that they are battered. The very few who step forward to report abuse do so with caution.
Outdated patriarchal beliefs that men should be strong, dominant figures make it difficult for most to speak up without having their masculinity questioned or mocked. The fear of seeming 'feminine' or 'not man enough' persists. By allowing this narrative of abuse against men to be ridiculed, we gaslight their experiences and enable abusers to act without consequence.
Battered and bruised
Studies say more than 40 percent of domestic violence victims are male. These numbers shed light on the sobering reality that the situation is more prevalent than we realise. It also contradicts the widespread notion that it is almost always women who are battered and bruised.
While domestic abuse against women gets significant attention, that against men often goes unacknowledged due to societal pressures and toxic masculinity norms. The truth is, abuse against anyone, regardless of gender, is unacceptable.
While statistics may show higher rates among women, abuse tears down lives across all demographics. If we believe in equality, we must destigmatise male victims and make space for their stories in the conversation around domestic violence prevention.
Perhaps one step allies can take is be vocal advocates. Call out mocking jokes or dismissive attitudes about abused men. I have witnessed instances where men are teased for wanting to leave social gatherings early, as if their desire to be with their families is a sign of weakness or fear. This attitude perpetuates the stigma around men speaking up about abuse they might be facing.
Abusive environment
We ought to create environments where men feel safe to be vulnerable and seek help without judgment. Ultimately, we must redefine masculinity as being secure and confident enough to prioritise safety over ego. A truly strong man is one unafraid to leave an abusive environment.
Some men stay in abusive relationships due to societal gender norms. The stigma of being seen as “less than a man” weighs heavily. Economic factors such as financial dependence can also make leaving seem impossible, however, no reason justifies enduring abuse. Every human being deserves to feel safe, respected, and free from violence in their intimate relationships. Enabling the abuse to continue by staying silent is self-destructive.
The good news is that Kenyan laws are evolving to protect all victims of domestic violence. The Constitution enshrines the right to freedom from violence. On a global scale, the UN has declared domestic violence a violation of human rights.
Any man caught in the grips of an abusive relationship should be brave enough to report, know their legal rights, and surround themselves with a support system.
It is essential to break this cycle of silence and shame, and create an environment where all individuals, regardless of gender, feel empowered to seek help and support. It’s time for men to find their voices and courage to report violence and seek help.
