Let’s face it, marriage is not for everyone

Marriage is a study in contradictions, a balancing act of beauty and ugliness, with the power to elicit profound sorrow and unbridled happiness in equal measure.

Most of us long for it, yet once it's within our grasp, some of us find ourselves questioning whether we truly desire or are suited for it.

I've previously expressed my firm belief in love and marriage, even referencing studies linking long lives to healthy relationships. Today, however, I wish to explore an unconventional notion – that not everyone is destined for marriage.

I'm not referring to those who abstain from marriage because of religious convictions, but rather individuals who, by societal standards, seem primed for matrimony but struggle to commit despite numerous Tinder matches and matchmaking attempts by well-meaning relatives and friends.

While society may ostracise these individuals, it's essential to recognise that some people thrive as single entities rather than as part of a pair.

I recall reading about a man in one of Jackson Biko's blog posts who enjoyed dating, and remained faithful in relationships but couldn't fathom marriage, and he was content with that choice. Apparently, he led with this disclaimer whenever he met a new person. Such a choice, though, is often unacceptable to most.

Society assumes everyone seeks a partner, so official documents lack a "not interested in marriage" option. The categories are limited to single, divorced, and married. That’s why even strangers, unprovoked, will ask you “Are you married?” and react with sympathy or suggest potential matches if the answer is No.

Also read: Planning to get married? Ask each other these questions first

It's time to accept that there is a fraction of people who view marriage as insignificant. These individuals may enter and end relationships prematurely or create toxic environments that drive their partners away.

Most times, they choose to ignore their peculiar desires and settle for conformity with the expected norms of a usual lifespan. It’s about time we accepted these people for who they are, appreciating their differing paths and supporting their decisions.

In most cases, dissatisfaction and unfulfilled lives often arise because of the need to conform to traditional norms.

Marriage as a universal goal implies that there are universal experiences of a human, yet some people may achieve their ultimate satisfaction by cultivating independence or exploring their interests.

Just as we applaud the beauty of a harmonious marriage, we should also applaud those who have found their bliss in an unconventional path.

Normalising the thought that not everyone is marriage material may make us a little more forgiving and accepting of people walking out on bad marriages. The choice to leave such unions can be a lifesaver.

The writer comments on social and gender topics (@FaithOneya; [email protected]).