All hail the quail!

There’s a quail frenzy people!

Wherever you turn, there is a person talking about quail, quail eggs, and their miraculous abilities...

At this point it looks like the only thing quails and their eggs can’t do is run for president.

We are a quail country and from the looks of things, we can do all things, no, not through Christ who strengthens us, but through the out of this world magic powers of quail eggs.

Do you want a job promotion? Do you? Then eat quail eggs. Do you want your marriage to work? If you do, eat quail eggs.

Do you want to become Kenya’s president in 2017? Simple, consult your next door quail eggs vendors.

They are not hard to find, they are everywhere. Quails are here to heal the sick, give sight to the blind and, according to a very good source on Facebook who goes by the name “Xaniqua Xoxo Xherry Mrx Lil Weezy”, they can also cure AIDS.

Yes, my very trusted source who speaks fluent Facebook, and whose profile photo is of Rihanna wrote a post detail how, if you eat 300 quail eggs, you will be HIV/AIDS free.

You know what, I agree with her. If you eat 300 eggs, you will drop dead and at the same time, you will have killed the viruses. It makes sense.

Going by the success and miraculous powers of this tiny things, I think I know some of the people who have been eating them. Let us start with Lupita Nyong’o.

MAN SHALL NOT LIVE ON TALENT ALONE

You think talent alone got her to where she is? Hell no! She has been eating quail eggs since she was two.

Immediately she got off the plane from Mexico, she pounced on them with glee. I have this on poor authority I’ll have you know.

She comes from Kisumu, a place where quails have been roaming the countryside for years. They are called Aluru and have been a delicacy for generations, that is until some Kikuyu chap discovered them.

If you listen to Lupita giving her acceptance speeches, you will hear her thank her parents, late uncle, family, friends and quails. She mentions them in a whisper since she does not want people to discover her secret.

I am telling you people, my sources, who neither know, nor have they ever met Lupita tell me that she forgot to pop a quail egg just before she attended the Golden Globes. That’s why she did not win the Best Supporting Actress award.

She learnt her lesson and is said to have ordered a shipload of quail eggs in readiness for the Oscars.The other person who has been popping quail eggs since he was two months old is Victor Wanyama.

First, quail is an animal and so the bird is represented in the footballer’s second name and the quail gods have been happy with him and have thus, rewarded him — heavily.

In November, the Southampton player had committed the most fouls in the Premier League through nine games, averaging three fouls per game. Now, how is that for recognition?

Not even Messi has ever had that honour so, all hail the quail. When they hold the Baloon F’Oul, Wanyama will get it unopposed. Suck on that Ronaldo. But, this bird’s mythical powers are waning as greed overrides common sense.

Everyone is now rearing them since at some point in December, an egg roughly the size of one “Tropical sweet” was retailing for Sh100.

Everyone rushed to rear them while singing along to The Jefferson’s “Movin’ on up” soundtrack. I saw some even do the Jefferson power walk. Well, if you look around, the prices are now a measly Sh9.

That is right, they are even lower than those of chicken eggs, a bird that has been so loyal to us but whom we betrayed for quail, the candy of the month.

I bet you chickens are laughing their eggs off to all those who had jumped on the quail bandwagon only to be disappointed.

I guess this is how wives feel when their husbands return home after realising that the spring chicken they had left them for had dipped in value and they figure out that the “old hag” they left behind was better all along.

But worry not husbands, if you get your wives to eat 100 raw quail eggs, your problems will be over.

No, they will probably not take you back but it will wipe off that “I told you so” smirk off their faces. See, quails do have magic powers.