My husband and I lived in a come-we-stay marriage for almost six years before legalising our marriage. We had earlier on been in a relationship since in high school but later parted ways when we lost contact.
Later on we met again and thus when we decided to get married. By that time my husband had sired two kids with his neighbour, with whom he settled the issue of the children’s maintenance in court. Since they had not been living together, we decided to marry under customary law. After six years of customary marriage, we later decide to legalise our marriage at the Attorney-General’s. Now, two years later, my husband has sired another child this year with the mother of his kids. When I ask him what’s going on, he says I should not complain since he loves me, and that he has never abandoned me although I am childless.
I have a chronic illness and he keeps reminding me that I should not worry since he is with me instead of being with his children. My worry is that I don’t know what to do although he is trying hard to meet my demands and those of his other “family”. I would appreciate your advice.
Relationships are about couples reaching agreements in many areas that affect their marriage. Among these areas is the commitment to the marriage. What I see is an assumption on your part that this man was going to remain committed and faithful to you after getting those two children. No wonder her went ahead and had another child with this lady.
From what you have written, I am not really sure what agreement you had with him. Maybe his perspective of the relationship is totally different from yours.
It appears that your husband’s relationship with this other woman never really ended. Unfortunately, since you cannot have children, he has taken this and used it to further his relationship with this woman. The fact that you legalised your wedding at the AG’s is not a guarantee that he will remain faithful.
I suggest that you candidly make you observations known. If you feel you are being taken for a ride, then be open and forthright about it. In addition, the fact that you are unwell should be reason enough to deal with this issue conclusively.
It is only you who can tell what you want out of this relationship. The time you have been together should have given you some insights into the type of man your husband is and where you fit in his life. Knowing this is key and will help you make a wise decision.