10 Kenyan women, their challenges and triumphs

It is 20 years since the world convened a landmark conference on women’s human rights in Beijing, China.

At the time, global agitation was against rape and other war crimes visited upon the women of Yugoslavia, and since then activism has revolved around the twin issues of equity and human rights.

As the world commemorated this year’s International Women’s Day, Sunday , during which the call to empower women was made, almost everyone agreed with UN secretary general Ban Ki-moon that change has been “uneven and slow”.

To understand why Mr Ki-moon was right, you do not need to go further than last year, when various incidents around the country proved that the change Beijing hoped would happen soon has been slow coming.

In January last year, a 20-year-old Indian woman was raped in public by more than 12 men by orders of the village elder for having an unauthorised relationship with a man. A few days later, a tourist was raped by more than five men while walking to her hotel in Delhi.

These crimes are common and happen to girls as young as 10 in India, and when they happen to mature women, they turn quite violent. A 23-year-old woman, for instance, was gang-raped and thrown from a moving bus in Delhi in 2012. She died two weeks after the incident. This year, one of the men who raped her blamed the girl for the crime while on trial.

Politicians have termed the crime “small” as “boys make mistakes”, while others have blamed miniskirts, spicy food and creeping westernisation for the sexual violence

Closer home, in November 2014, women were stripped naked and assaulted for wearing miniskirts or other clothing perceived to be immodest in attacks across Kenya. Grainy videos of the attacks, mostly shot on mobile phones, were shared on the social media.

Women, however, are making strides. The playing field is still not level yet, but they have found ways to beat the system. Here, 10 random women shares their successes, failures and challenges.

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As a woman, I am no longer confined to the one-dimensional boxes of what society expects me to be, or do.

Right now, there’s no limit to what I can do. I can be successful in all fronts, whether its marriage, motherhood or career. I appreciate, though, that there is some distance to go because there are women who are still bound by negative cultural practices like Female Genital Mutilation and early marriages, those who still don’t have proper access to health care, education and a healthy environment to flourish. These are hardly newsworthy, but they are still a problem in other places.

Achievement: Building a brand, a business. It has taken patience.

Lowest moment: Hit by the reality that entrepreneurship can be a lonely journey. The pressure is always on you to make the right decisions as they affect many people

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I left Kenya as a trained teacher in the mid-90s. Before then I had been a vendor of second-hand clothes.

That, I guess, is what it takes to survive for being born and raised by a single mother in rural Molo. In the UK I taught for 10 years, and when my two daughters came along I needed something to allow me to raise them and not sacrifise my career.

Using the money I had saved over time, my husband Ken and I founded UKentv.

As I am jovial, I was the presenter and he the cameraperson. The company has grown to start taking jobs from the Kenya High Commission here, the mayor and we are now in events organising.

I know it was a big shift of culture for Ken, and I decided I was not going to be one of the factors that strained my family. I decided I was going to contribute to everything that was beneficial to us.

While Ken is a trained media professional, I am not, but I learnt to be a presenter.

There are challenges that face women, but there are also opportunities and it’s about time women spent their energies readying themselves for those opportunities.

Highest achievement: Streaming the 2012 Olympics live and marshalling support for Kenyan athletes; and successfully establishing two pageant events to promote Kenya in the diaspora; the Face of Kenya US, and the Face of Kenya UK.

Lowest moment: When I lost my mother... that was hard.

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I am aware that it is normal for a woman to study what I am studying. I also know that I will be given a pat in the back for just getting great grades and completing my degree. Well, I want to have “awesome”, not “good”.

I want to be Kenya’s version of fashion mogul Diane von Furstenberg. Thankfully, I have awesome examples to look at: the most powerful person in this university is Prof Olive Mugenda, and last year two women — Wanjiku Mugane and Caroline Armstrong Ogwapit — were elected to Kenya Airways’ board of directors.

I am not sure if I want to be in the discussion about whether women are relegated and neglected or not.

We have been defended for so long and I think it’s time we stopped whining and rose up to get what we want, because we are able.

I see my male classmates go through the same challenges as I, and I do not want to grow with an attitude that I am already disadvantaged because of my gender. 

Achievement: Knowing what I want in life and being bold enough to go for it.

Lowest moment: A renowned designer tried stealing my designs when he asked for my sketches in the name of mentorship.

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Society’s views have not changed. A man is unfaithful and we react with an “Oh, he is a man”, but when a woman does the same, names like “slut” and “whore” are dropped.

I have a fair playing field at my workplace though. I can chair meetings and maybe be a boss.

However, I understand the society, and so I decided to adopt an attitude: think like a man, act like a lady. If we agreed on a job to be completed at 3pm, I will call you at 2.59pm to remind you I am expecting it, and at 3.01pm to thank you if I have received it, or to ask you why you have not sent it.

I do not have to wait for you for an extra five minutes because I am a woman and I am expected to be patient. We are at work here, not nursing babies.

I was employed to deliver, not display my maternal feelings. Many people have labelled me “harsh”, but I comfort myself that those names are not hurtful when I am chasing a greater goal.

Greatest achievement: At 23 I organised the World Travel Awards 2012, which congregated all the global players in tourism at Safari Park Hotel, Nairobi.

Lowest moment: When I was an intern and I was trying too hard to do what was right and ended up making mistakes.

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I grew up in rural Embu. My parents placed value on education. At 19, my father carried my suitcase from downtown Nairobi to the Parklands campus of the University of Nairobi, where I studied Law.

As a lawyer I know firsthand the challenges that women in Kenya face: lack of education which places them in a low economic scale; and discrimination, like not inheriting land.

I was saddened to learn that a friend who was tired of living in rented space bought a parcel of land so as to build a home for her family, yet today the property is registered in her husband’s name.

What about access to justice? Spend a day at a police station and you will be horrified to see the difficulties women face reporting gender-based crimes; and women in politics have a long list of items they would rather not talk about.

On my part, a good education has been my advantage. Post-school, I have worked with some of the greatest legal minds.

I started practising 17 years ago at one of the oldest law firms in Kenya. The exposure then offered a great learning opportunity and set the foundation for the lawyer I am today.

Highest achievement: Running the largest department at MMC, the Commercial and Property Department.

Lowest moment: It is not a low moment, but a challenge of transitioning from an employee to a business owner in 2004, when I joined the firm as an equity partner.

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Last week I talked to Cabinet Secretary Anne Waiguru, and from her I picked a strategy: delegate.

Coincidentally, in her YouTube channel, Caroline Mutoko was on the same week talking about the possibility of a woman having it all but not trying to be the superwoman.

We have damaged ourselves trying to be everything, and as a result we have become stressed and irritable to everyone around us.

I am a single mother of four-year-old twin daughters, and I have to admit sometimes the pressure to live up to that woman overwhelms me. Now I have no problem training my nanny to shop for me.

In the meantime, I am going to concentrate on being the best. I will be the best version of myself.

I will borrow a leaf from men. As they always support each other, I will have a fellow woman’s back.

I feel I need to go back to the secondary school and university that I was in and tell young women with all honesty about the challenges that I went through to be here. 

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In 1982, I went into labour trying to give birth to a son. The midwives kept telling me to stop being lazy and just deliver the baby.

I tried, summoned all my strength, but on the third day I could barely turn my head. My body was swollen and I was too weak.

My brother came to visit me thinking I had already delivered. He put me on a donkey and we rode to the main road because where I live there are no roads.

We hitchhiked on a Kenya Breweries lorry to Narok, from where I was referred to Nakuru Provincial General Hospital.

After the operation in Nakuru, I developed fistula. For 32 years until 2013 when I had a reconstructive surgery sponsored by a kind man, I was in napkins.

To avoid embarrassing myself I never left the house. People avoided me because I was smelly. My husband left me.

Now when I look at how women live, I am happy for them, they are taken to the hospital. The nurses come here to talk to them about health issues.

There is even an ambulance to help them when they go into labour. Now I am back to my jovial self again. I farm. I look after my grandchildren. I am happy.

Achievement: Staying a day without napkins. 

Lowest point in my life: I remember boarding a matatu and wetting a woman seated next to me. I have never been so humiliated and insulted in public.

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When I got my first job in the late ’70s, there were not only very few women in administrative positions, but also very few in the workforce.

Thankfully, that has changed and now I find no reason why women should act as victims.

My heart goes out to the woman who has not had an education or lives in poverty. They are damned to whatever sadness that follows such circumstances. However, I feel Kenyan women perpetuate whatever is ailing them.

The violence meted on us by men is heartbreaking, but women have refused to be part of the solution. I have raised my daughter to know that when she is out with a guy, she can foot the bills too.

I have advised young women to give the loving and responsible man a chance even when he earns less than she does.

We bring these men up. We tell our sons how useless they are, just like their father. We stop them from washing the dishes because that is a petty job they should not take part in. How do you expect him to grow up to respect what a woman does to keep a home running? The question of equality needs our participation. 

Achievement: The nomination for the Caine prize… that really validated my interest in writing. Oh, and having lunch with Wole Soyinka. I am always a parrot, but when I saw him, I was tongue-tied.

Lowest moment: There are times when we have this financial crisis in Storymoja and I have sleepless nights wondering how I will pay my staff.

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Coincidentally, yesterday was my birthday, a point in my life that deeply contrasts my younger years.

I was not born to an affluent family, and I was brought up to pursue excellence.

That tenacity is what took me to medical school in Makerere in a day and age where sciences were the preserve for men.

I got my first job in a male-dominated military medical facility where I stood out, not for my gender, but for how I carried out my work.

I am aware of the gender differences in the world, but I focus my energy on being an excellent professional.

I have three children and I am going to bring them up to focus on striving for excellence as well.

My work involves going out to the field and travelling, but I resolved never to sacrifice my family or my job.

Greatest achievement: When I go to hard-to-reach areas and a woman tells me that her life changed because of programmes that my organisation runs. There is a baby that was named Amref, and that made me really happy.

Lowest moment: I lost my mother last year. I am a grown woman, a doctor, and I have seen death, but whenever I think about my mother I just well in my eyes.

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 I have two children — a 12-year-old son who is a professional tennis player, and an 18-year-old singer daughter — but sometimes I forget and say I have three as I mourn the one that I miscarried.

I come from a family of seven but we are extended and I have to support others that I have to worry about being used too much or creating a culture of dependency that is unsustainable. I have a lot of social work because I believe charity is to whom you are not related.

Taking care of family is duty. These are my ideals, and they will remain constant even though I know from experience the society is chauvinistic and it will always judge the woman harshly. You have to grow a thick skin.

Politicians are born or bred; I am the latter type. The system was not protecting me and I moved there to fix it.

I believe I would have won all my elections if the choice were by the people and not party intrigues. Again, that needed a tough skin to survive the disappointment.

Society has high morals for women and I have come to be deaf to negative comments because it’s a derail-and-detain tactic.

Where a woman is faulted, rest assured that there is an indifferent man behind it and a society hell bent on branding women. 

Highest moment: I love every aspect of who I am, my grey hair, my bulging tummy, and cellulite.

Lowest moment: When the system does not protect us.