Africa is not working, let’s break it up

This is your temporary green card. It is good for work, school, travel and social security,” says the uniformed guy at a ‘Secondary Inspection’ room at the Philadelphia International Airport, US.

“In a few months, your permanent green card will arrive at this address. Merry Christmas, welcome to the United States.” It is only early May, but whatever! America, finally!

Since 1995, the Green Card Lottery has given 22,000 Africans every year a key to permanent residence Stateside. That cyber-cafes across the continent promote it heavily and scammers everywhere promise guaranteed entry underline its value to a largely impoverished population.

This is hardly surprising, even before taking into account that an American passport gets you unfettered entry into more African countries than any African passport.

Even after 52 years, the African Union hasn’t fixed that, and neither has it any of the other intractable challenges the continent faces. But it continues to mark Africa Day on May 25 with speeches and other useless ceremonies.

This reminds me of Ken Saro-Wiwa’s dark, satirical short story, "Africa Kills Her Sun", which I first read in Form II. It couldn’t be more appropriate as his country Nigeria last week celebrated the rebirth of former military ruler Muhammadu Buhari as a reform-driven civilian president.

OVERRATED PRIVILEGE

Or the fact that Kenya initially intended to send a delegation of 84 to witness this non-event. Meanwhile, Africa’s largest oil producer celebrated the inauguration week of its new leader with an artificial fuel shortage.

Elsewhere, Pierre Nkurunziza is single-handedly driving Burundi back into civil war by being the ultimate stereotype of an African president.

Further south, president Zuma had to point out that Africa Day was an opportunity to fight xenophobia. Jay Z, as some call him, heads a country with the word ‘Africa’ in its name, but many of his subjects don’t even consider themselves Africans.

They can waltz right into Kenya and pay for a visa at the airport. But if a Kenyan needs to get there, he’d need his blood sample, title deed, and at least seven working days to know if the South African overlords have deemed him worthy of a visa.

South Africa has some of the most idiotic visa rules, but there are many other countries headed there. I recently met a Cameroon-born businessman — ironically on a flight to Johannesburg — who had to wait seven days for his visa to his home country before he could see his sick mother.

He left Cameroon in the ’80s, became an American citizen and had to give up his Cameroonian passport because Cameroon doesn’t allow dual citizenship.

I overheard the green card speech I started with while awaiting further screening for the grossly overrated privilege of entering the United States. The people experiencing Christmas in May were genuinely happy, optimistic of the promise of new life in the storied land of milk and honey.

They were lucky to be doing this the legal way, as opposed to the millions of “undocumented immigrants”, or the thousands that die every year trying to cross the Mediterranean in leaky boats to Europe.

People are leaving in droves because this experiment in continent-making called Africa is broken and hasn’t worked for decades.

Apart from a few bright spots, there is little investment in infrastructure, the education system is a conveyor belt for how to pass exams, corruption is endemic, and the people seem stuck in a cycle of bad decisions.

SELF-ABSORBED MIDDLE CLASS

I know elderly people who are firmly convinced that we were better off under colonial rule. When you look at a continent so intent on self-destructing, maybe they do have a point.

Objectively, there was nothing to celebrate about Africa Day. The Africa Union exists entirely to protect mass murderers and economic thieves and seems to do little else.

The oft-romanticised middle class is so self-absorbed and out of touch with reality it’s almost criminal.

“When you rest your head on the pillow you don’t dream big. You and other so-called African intellectuals are damn lazy, each one of you.” That is off a blog that went viral a few years ago. “It is you, and not those poor starving people, who is the reason Africa is in such a deplorable state.”  

Ironically, white people like the one speaking in the quote still thrive in Africa more than black Africans. It’s time to break Africa apart and discard it.

The homogenous unit has been a complete failure and it was never meant to be.

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Family of cop killed in Yumbis still has to fundraise

He was a nice guy, all his friends agree. Dickens Wakhu was 29 when he lost his life in Yumbis, Garissa county.

The Administration Police Officer had been there since last April and had just marked his first year as a cop. He thanked God for keeping him alive despite the “insecurity and Al-Shabaab”.

Friends on social media wished him well and remembered their college days. “He was a devout Christian, a dedicated usher,” one posted.

The government initially denied his death, the most undignified way to go out for someone who gave his life to the cause. His father and brother travelled from Kakamega to Nairobi for his autopsy. “He promised to buy me a Toyota Prado,” his father remembered, fighting back tears.

“We are overwhelmed by the expenses of laying Dickens to rest,” his brother Edgar Nawra texted me. “Please help us reach to well wishers.” I asked Interior ministry spokesman Mwenda Njoka why the family had been reduced to doing a harambee to bury Dickens.

“The police has a fund for assisting families of those who die in the line of duty,” he told me. Their insurance cover also includes burial expenses. But how much does all that add up to?

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Happy 10th anniversary, Groove!

In an industry with little excellence, Groove Awards have always gone against the tide, trying to inspire gospel music into greatness.

What Kevin Mulei and his team have achieved is even more significant when weighed against the many failures who were on a similar path. Most notably, Kisima Awards started with a sense of purpose before fizzling and dying out.

Theologians and fundamentalists question the Biblical basis for an awards show for gospel music, and maybe rightly so.

However, Kenyan music is generally so mediocre and sub-standard that all attempts at professionalising the game and recognising outstanding work should be supported.

Naturally, a popularity contest doesn’t always bring the best to the top, but the competition is healthy.

Initiatives like Groove are perhaps the secret to the paradox of gospel music outselling secular sounds in Kenya.

Make no mistake, Groove Awards and the allied franchises are successful commercially, but also serve a greater purpose. Well in!