Am I cursed to lead a miserable life?

Since I started dating two years ago, I seem to only attract men who only want to sleep with me and leave me. I seem to see no good man come my way. Am I cursed? PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • Although I now have a job, I am not happy. I am always depressed.  When I face problems, there is no one to talk to. I stay indoors sleeping most weekends. I am a lonely girl. I need advice. Am I cursed. Why does God never answer my prayers.
  • You must resolve in your heart that relationships are complicated and at times the people we love end up disappointing us. We should not let this define us and the future we have.
  • When you learn to accept and love yourself, this will help release joy and bring soberness to your heart and mind. Loneliness combined with a spirit of low self-esteem can lead to depression. You must believe deep down in your heart that you’re destined to do great things.

Dear Kitoto,

I am 23 years old working and supporting myself. Since I started dating two years ago, I seem to only attract men who only want to sleep with me and leave me. Although I have never cheated on them, I fail to understand why this happens to me.

I find younger men boring and seem to be attracted to older men who are committed. I seem to see no good man come my way. Am I cursed? My mother got divorced while I was in Standard Seven. I saw mother and father fight literally every other night.

As the eldest in my family I feel like a heavy load was placed on me. I am angry about that past. It got so bad I had to run away from home to look for a job in Nairobi.

Although I now have a job, I am not happy. I am always depressed.  When I face problems, there is no one to talk to. I stay indoors sleeping most weekends. I am a lonely girl. I need advice. Am I cursed. Why does God never answer my prayers.

Jane

Hi,

Indeed anyone can feel the pain and anguish you carry. You need to realise that, at 23 years, you still have a great life ahead of you. Therefore do not look down on your self and in turn trash what you could become. We are at times the product of our past pain, exposure. The resolve and determination that we embraced becomes key in confronting any part of that past that would work negatively for us.

The way you see your self is key to how you will face the issues past and present. God want you to be victorious and I believe you desire the same. Therefore focus on what will lead you towards that future. Choose your associations, values, goals and priorities carefully since these are key in determining the path you will take in life. I am glad that you worked hard to get yourself a job. Be happy about your current personal achievements.

Second, learning to forgive yourself will open your heart to easily forgive those who have wrongs you or have selfishly used you. You seem to carry a heavy load from your past that includes the fights between your parents and the resultant consequences. The divorce that followed left anger and pain. Divorce and violence in marriage has serious consequences that may take a long time to heal.

Children have the strong belief that there is only one right family relationship, and that is their mother and father being together says an article by Focus on the Family. Any other relationship configuration presents a conflict or betrayal of their basic understanding of life, adds the article. As a result in divorce, children may tend to resent both the custodial and absent parent.

VULNERABLE TARGET

You must resolve in your heart that relationships are complicated and at times the people we love end up disappointing us. We should not let this define us and the future we have.

Third, personally, I do not believe in the fact that you have been cursed. I however believe that we become what we believe. If a person constantly tells people they are doing a good job, they will eventually believe it even if, in the beginning, they have doubts about their ability to perform that task.

I must remind you that, you have complete control about what you think, what you believe, and how you act and behave. You re right to be concerned about how you are living life. You seem to attract to yourself older married men. Of course this is not healthy for you. Do they view you as a vulnerable target they can exploit. Or may be, are you showing attributes that are attractive to them. In addition, check out who you hang around with. May be the answer is to review your choices.

I suggest that you are the one who owns the power to set the path for change. You must believe that you are your best supporter while at the same time realising that you can also be your own worse nightmare if you allow your past to negatively influence you.

Someone once said that, the way to a successful life is to stop feeding one’s mind with negative thoughts. When we do, we will come to believe what we think about self. I suggest that, instead of blame, feed your mind with positive thoughts, and make it your priority surround yourself with people who give you positive support. Having a man in your life is not necessarily the answer to the loneliness you feel. People who have not learned to enjoy life as singles, may not necessarily enjoy life when married. 

When you learn to accept and love yourself, this will help release joy and bring soberness to your heart and mind. Loneliness combined with a spirit of low self-esteem can lead to depression. You must believe deep down in your heart that you’re destined to do great things including relating to people who have the capacity to add value to your life. Remember, there are many happy people who are single as there are many other happy people who are married.

Most people were no more satisfied with life after marriage than they were prior to marriage in a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. For some people, avoiding loneliness is a great way to feel happier and less depressed, however, the wrong kind of thinking will destroy your happiness.