Asunta’s Diary: A letter to my 24-year-old self
Asunta, from tomorrow, August 2 1989, your self-esteem will be under attack, from within and without, but whatever happens, do not treat yourself as a second-class citizen. If you do that, you will be as good as dead. PHOTO | FILE
What you need to know:
- For purposes of clarity, I repeat again: Asunta, tomorrow they will tell you that you have AIDS. The Matron, Miss Bifen, will tell you that you have six months to live. You will be expelled from nursing college. But you don’t have AIDS: you are HIV-positive. Always remember that, because that is a big deal.
- Asunta, tomorrow August 2 1989, you will be lied to that you cannot have a family and children. That HIV-positive women are doomed to a life of loneliness, while they await a slow painful wasting away demise.
- Asunta, the good news is, in the fullness of time, you will be blessed with five biological sons. And the better still, all of them will be HIV-negative. These children will bring you joy, love and fulfillment.
Dear Asunta,
Tomorrow, August 2 1989 will be your turning point. Tomorrow will be the day that you turn 24. It will also be the day when you will receive a baptism of fire.
My dear, tomorrow, August 2 1989, you will be given the result to the HIV-test that you did two weeks ago. Your HIV-test will say that you are HIV-positive. I know you are too young, and such a tragedy should not happen to a young girl whose life is just beginning. You will make sense of this when you are older though.
Remember I said, “Older”? Which means that, contrary to what you will be told, you are not a carrier of death, but of life. You are not a carrier of darkness, but of light to other people living in the tunnel that is being HIV-positive. And you are not a high-risk – whatever that means - but are instead highly-favoured.
For purposes of clarity, I repeat again: Asunta, tomorrow they will tell you that you have AIDS. The Matron, Miss Bifen, will tell you that you have six months to live. You will be expelled from nursing college. But you don’t have AIDS: you are HIV-positive. Always remember that, because that is a big deal.
Do not pay heed to negativity or the fearful voices inside your head. Do not be afraid for God will be with you in Miss Bifen’s office, even as your mother wonders what has hit her because you were your family’s hope for a better future. He will be with you when you wobble, scared, in the corridor, as you are escorted to collect your belongings, while the whole school stares at you.
FULLNESS OF TIME
Let me assure you, once more, that this pronouncement will not kill you. And what does not kill you only makes you stronger. However, there are some things in your life that will give up their ghost. Many of your relationships will die. Some of your dreams will also die, but as long as you are breathing, you can create new relationships and dreams.
Starting tomorrow, you will face pain like you have never faced before. It will hurt like hell. You will lose hope. You will lose faith. You will be hated. You will be vilified. You will curse God. You will deny that you are HIV-positive, and try all you can to hold on to yesterday.
Asunta, tomorrow August 2 1989 will be the first day of the rest of your life. And, after tomorrow, you will have so many firsts until you lose count. Many will be happy firsts. Others will be not-so-happy. That’s life.
There will be days when you will contemplate suicide. But the fact that you are reading this letter in the land of the living means that you did not take your life. It means that you defeated the Grim Reaper – just like you will constantly rise above stigma and discrimination – and choose, even as it hurts, living with HIV over taking your life because you are HIV-positive.
Asunta, tomorrow August 2 1989, you will be lied to that you cannot have a family and children. That HIV-positive women are doomed to a life of loneliness, while they await a slow painful wasting away demise. That, if a HIV-positive woman conceives, her newborn baby will die an agonising death in a matter of weeks.
My dear, turn a deaf ear to these ‘health experts’. They do not know what they are talking about. They are merely parroting what they heard from other ignorant folks or gleaned from conjecturing newspaper reports.
Asunta, the good news is, in the fullness of time, you will be blessed with five biological sons. And the better still, all of them will be HIV-negative. These children will bring you joy, love and fulfillment. And you will have hundreds of other children, whom you will rescue from the hungry jaws of disease, discrimination and death, and who will fondly call you, “Mama”.
Besides, in due time, you will be honoured, worldwide, because of your advocacy for people living with HIV. And in the London Olympics of 2012, you will be one of the chosen few who pass the Olympic torch on.
Asunta, from tomorrow, August 2 1989, your self-esteem will be under attack, from within and without, but whatever happens, do not treat yourself as a second-class citizen. If you do that, you will be as good as dead.
Happy birthday.
Regards,
Asunta.
Monday, August 1 2016.
