Don’t let others dictate what you do with your life

Should we seek social acceptance or individual identity?

I often wonder if it is possible to live completely free of outside influence. Religious texts, books, the Internet, television, motivational speakers, parents and life coaches of every persuasion all have ideas about how to win at living. Eat vegetables, exercise often, laugh loudly, drink more wine, drink less wine, forgive quickly, kiss slowly all make for a dizzying discordant mess of advice that confuses more than it instructs.

The greater danger about trying to live up to society’s standards is losing yourself in the process.

Take Brian Williams, 56, for example. The anchor of NBC’s flagship national "Nightly News" was at the peak of his career, getting more than 10 million viewers every night. Then people started asking questions about his reporting over two decades and certain inaccuracies in anecdotes he told mostly in comedy shows on the late-night circuit. NBC suspended him for six months in February.

“It had to have been ego that made me think I had to be sharper, funnier, quicker than anybody else,” he told his colleague, Matt Lauer, last week. “I said things that weren’t true.”

In a way, society had set him up to fail. Countless commentators have pointed out in the months since his fall from grace how the modern anchor is no longer judged on just his ability to deliver the news. You are expected to be sharp-witted when you go on a talk show, you need an enviable life that the blogs will document and should generally be a raconteur of note.

Living under the microscope of America’s attention constantly is doubtless taxing, without the extra burden of trying to appeal to every demographic. Maybe that’s why he ended up embellishing.

SWIM WITH THE CURRENT

Members of the National Assembly vetting Dr Patrick Njoroge were stunned that an accomplished man like him was still single at 54. Society expects you to get out of school, gain financial stability and promptly get married and start filling the earth. If the MPs’ thought process is to be followed through, you’re then required to amass property.

The good doctor hadn’t lived his life according to the unofficial blueprint the good members expected, leaving them without a frame of reference.

Everyone is contaminated to a certain degree by outside influences and derailed from the life they imagined for themselves. Speech patterns, fashion and mannerisms, while unique for every individual, are still matters of preference informed by worldly tastes.

“In matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand like a rock,” Thomas Jefferson said. But style and principle are often conflated in the modern world in the search for social acceptability, belonging and acceptance.

When I started out on television, I was overwhelmed by the wave of public opinion on every detail of my life. There were those who did not approve of my voice, my suits, how I stood, how I spoke, perhaps even how I breathed. Social media was just becoming ubiquitous, so it was easy for them to express their displeasure. I worried about not measuring up to the public’s expectation and failing at my job before I even started properly.

I tried to adapt to be more like the viewers said they wanted but it was never good enough. A whole new set would come up who hated the new changes and preferred me in my previous form. It was relentless. Trying to be more acceptable and constantly falling short was painful. I didn’t know it then, but it must have been like working for Eli Pope, fixer of Olivia’s father in the TV drama "Scandal". “When will you raise your ambitions to meet my standards?” he asks of his B613 agents, who can never meet them.

One of the most liberating lessons I learnt was to let go and live life on my own terms. I wasn’t going to seek approval from the Internet or any other societal affirmation. Freeing myself of all public expectations allowed me to be myself, and I became better at my job. It is counterintuitive in my line of work, considering how obsessed it is with ratings and popularity. By shutting out all the disapproving noises, I brought an authenticity to the air that had been suppressed.

Can someone be truly authentic and have a unique identity in a world built around finding social acceptance? All your friends on Facebook are posting baby pictures; are you still sure you don’t want a child? Yes, you can stay the course and write your own story. It takes real principle and strength of character to zig when everyone else is zagging.

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THE NET AND WOMEN’S VOLLEYBALL

TELEVISION IS TO blame (or thank) for the wild popularity of English football. Because of the magic of television and competition for rights to show matches on them, the whole world can enjoy the world’s most beautiful game. Something similar is happening with a previously little-known sport – women’s volleyball. Thousands of Kenyans descended on Kasarani on Saturday to watch the Malkia Strikers take on Algeria. Admittedly, some were there for the view of pretty ladies in micro shorts.

Mercifully, the national team did not disappoint, winning their ninth African title to qualify for the FIVB World Cup. Support went beyond just the indoor arena where the match was played; the whole country followed the matches on television and cheered the girls on. In a classic second-screen phenomenon, they all went back to social media to show support and drove more people to NTV, QTV and Zuku, which aired the match. Coach David Lung’aho and leading lights Janet Wanja and Jane Wacu were overwhelmed afterwards when they learned of all the attention. The magic of television has combined with that of the Worldwide Web to create a powerful new fan base for the girls. How far will this go?

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WANT TO BE ‘TOP GEAR’ HOST?

JEREMY CLARKSON hit a producer and the world’s most-watched factual television show will never be the same again. That may be a good thing if you’ve always wanted to host a motoring programme. The BBC named British radio presenter Chris Evans the new host of the show and they’re doing something more to involve fans.

The show’s website announced that it is auditioning new talent from around the world to help co-host the show. Richard Hammond and James May also left the broadcaster after it failed to renew Jeremy’s contract. They’re said to be close to announcing a new show either with ITV or on-demand with Netflix or Amazon. Their old show was watched by 350 million people in 214 countries and made the Beeb something like Sh7.8 billion a year.

Half of that went to Clarkson and his co-creator/producer Andy Wilman. Maybe this is a chance to bring some of that money home with its new iteration.

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Feedback: On Kenyans’ lack of creativity and copycat tendency

Dear Larry,

Lack of creativity and obsession with imitation among Kenyans emanates from our socialisation. As a society, we tend to discourage people who have a passion for innovation and new ideas. We ridicule them, calling them wasomi, wajuaji and other such names.

I have lots of stories to share about the way people react every time I come up with a new idea. The resistance is mostly a result of an education system that denies the student an opportunity to explore new ideas and instead demands conformity and rote learning.

For instance, I recently developed a raft using plastic drums and wooden arches and went to test it on the Loresho Dam. A huge crowd gathered to watch, but I could tell from the comments that generally, they found it strange for one to invent anything. Many thought I was a military person on assignment. The kids were excited and wanted to support me but their parents held them back, citing all manner of fears, including witchcraft.

There are many examples of how society stifles the creativity of people who think outside the box. They are generally ridiculed, ostracised, threatened, denied rights and pressured to conform.

So it is no wonder that Kenyans, and Africans in general, have retrogressed into a society of imitation, quick fixes, copy-cats waiting for innovative societies in Europe and America to develop inventions for them to consume. We dwell in a dull and gloomy world, the crowd and doing what everyone else is doing for fear of being isolated.

Nashon Tado

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Your article was spot on! My question to you is, what are you doing about it? 

I recall how you started your career and thought you were going places (based on the way you used to pronounce your name). Good stuff!  

I would like to challenge you to get, nay, yank, the creativity out of people through your reporting, your blog, and other means. 

Maybe there are many who just need to be nudged.

Judy

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Your article was spot on!

Typical Kenyan attitude. More like herd mentality – quail keeping and lately, the motorcycle rider business, where every upcoming businessman has to buy a boda boda. A couple of years back, it was a booming business with good returns. But now they are all over the place charging half what they used to!

Jim Ogweno

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I agree with you totally. Kenyans suffer acutely from the “what monkey see, monkey do” syndrome, and it permeates all levels of society.

Do you remember Nairobi before “exhibitions”? I do, but only barely because now you can’t take more than four steps without encountering one. Oh, and my absolute favourite was the growing number of quail farmers.

Having said that, though, the environment, and the education system don’t nurture creativity, or encourage risk taking. Take for example banks and other financial institutions. They don’t have products designed to nurture innovation. Walk into any bank with a fully researched and developed business plan for a new and innovative product. Most banks will invite you to start your project without them, and maybe if it catches on, they might take a risk on you. So it becomes easier to just go with the tried and tested.

In order for creativity to thrive, we need to create an environment that encourages and nurtures it, and provide systems that support it.

Angela Wambua