Facebook, iWheelbarrows and a magical gate; devolution is real!

Kirinyanga County has been trending locally for a rather interesting thing: how much it costs it to run a Facebook page. Initially, the information reaching us was that the county had spent Sh2 million to open a Facebook account, but that might have been a bit of hyperbole, as a report by the Auditor General shows that Kirinyaga paid the rather modest amount of Sh1.2 million to On-Mobi Kenya to, the county director of communication Joseph Murimi argues, “maintain” the account. If ever there was proof that I chose the wrong line of work, then there it is.

That is an even more profitable line of business than that of supplying stainless steel wheelbarrows to Bungoma County for the totally reasonable rate of Sh109,000 apiece.

For that price, they are probably manufactured by Apple, called iWheelbarrows, and come with the American company’s signature round edges, superior design, lightning charging ports, access to the App Store, and a two-year worldwide warranty.

I must have missed Apple design chief Jonathan Ive’s narration about the insanely great features of the iWheelbarrow at their omnibus announcement last week, but I’m sure it was there somewhere, in between the iPad Pro and the new iPhone 6S.

Devolution is the gift that keeps giving around this great nation. Never before has decentralised government been so uplifting for so many. Take, for instance, the Sh7 million gate at the Nyamira Referral Hospital.

DISREGARD PESKY JOURNOS

The gate of poof!

The healing powers of the gate were not revealed, but I’m sure it cures cancer, common colds and most other general ailments. The people of the great county of Nyamira just need to walk past the gate and poof! whatever they’re suffering from is instantly gone.

The contractor is happy, the procurement guys are very happy, and so are the citizens who previously had to wait for actual doctors to heal them.

Naysayers everywhere will claim that all the decentralised administrations have done is devolve corruption, but don’t listen to them. They’re enemies of development, obviously.

Previously, every ambitious tenderpreneur had to suck up to a government official in Nairobi to get any meaningful deal for a massively overpriced gate or wheelbarrow. Now, there are 47 different ways in which they can get rich quick by scamming the long-suffering people of this country. Make that 48, if you count the national government, which has minted more overnight millionaires than any other enterprise or venture.

But journalists are pesky people who make up stuff where there is none. For instance, Governor Joseph Ndathi of Kirinyaga would like you to know that the story of millions of shillings spent “to open a Facebook account” was “propaganda” that you should disregard.

“I want to state that I know that opening a Facebook page or account is free and with my experience I am not that naive to allow such an action,” somebody wrote for him on that very same Facebook account, maybe even the contractor. “The contract that was queried by the Auditor General was for management of Social Media channels: Facebook, Twitter, Scribd and the county website, among others.”

See? That sounds so much better and justifies the cost. All hail devolution.

“These are not the ordinary wheelbarrows that we know,” governor Ken Lusaka told reporters of his Bungoma iWheelbarrows. “These are wheelbarrows that are made of stainless, non-carcinogenic material that are also insoluble in various reagents used in food industry.”

47 PRESIDENTS

I watched the video closely, expecting him to break into a wide smile and say he was just messing with us and this was all a big joke, but he didn’t. “They are saying that they are not found ordinarily and they meet international standards,” he said.

“Just kidding!” he didn’t add, so we know he meant those things he had just said. I heard words, English words strung together to make sentences, but I didn’t draw any meaning out of any of them. To repurpose a popular local saying, these governors will show us things!

I’m waiting to see what else the counties will bring forth in this grand experiment called devolution. Benchmarking trips abroad by county executives or assembly members, dodgy expense claims, overpriced goods and services, and every shade of malfeasance imaginable have so far splendidly redistributed wealth in the hands of the 99th percentile of the population.

An opposition MP once told me we had elected 47 presidents and they deserved all the ceremony of high office, flags included. He didn’t say it, but presidents are also surrounded by servants, hangers-on and large armies of people who are only there for personal gain. What we ended up with are 47 bureaucracies trying to outdo each other on corruption and doing nothing. And they said devolution wouldn’t work!

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2.2 million Kenyans using up bundles on Facebook

For the first time ever, we’re getting a peek into just how many Kenyans are on the world’s most popular social networking site. Facebook says 2.2 million Kenyans log onto their profiles daily. Just three months after she was appointed, Facebook Africa Head Nunu Ntshingila gave a statement to Reuters with some insights on the site’s popularity in Africa. “Mobile is not a trend; it’s the fastest adoption of disruptive technology in the history of communication,” she said. Kenya has 4.5 million active monthly users, according to the site. Even more interesting, 95 per cent of Kenyans access Facebook using their mobile phones, which is probably one of the highest in the world. It would be fascinating to see what else the numbers reveal about the demographics of Kenyan Facebook users, but I guess we’ll just have to make do with those two headline figures for now. The network has 120 million users in Africa, with 15 million of them in Nigeria, and 12 million monthly active users in South Africa. This is good news for operators like Airtel who are actively pushing their data products, because 2.2 million people means a lot of internet bundles. A lot of bundles means a lot of money, if you play your cards right.

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Apple sticks out an abomination

“Who wants a stylus? Yuck!” Steve Jobs proclaimed in 2007 when he launched the first iPhone. “We’re going to use the best pointing device — our fingers.” The Apple founder was probably turning in his grave when his successor Tim Cook unveiled the Apple Pencil last week.

This abomination not only needs charging, but costs a ruinous Sh10,000 if you need it for your equally overpriced iPad Pro. Quoting tweets is the lowest form of journalism (speaking from experience) but so important was my opinion on this that Britain’s The Independent even included my tweet in its coverage of stylus-gate.

Mama, I made it! Everyone (read only hardcore Apple iSheep, nay, fanboys) agrees that the Apple Pencil is the most un-Steve Jobs thing that Tim Cook has ever done. What the street can’t agree on is if that is a sign of a company continuously innovating and responding to changing market dynamics, or one that is rudderless and has lost its direction.

Feedback: On whether churches should be bold enough to hold sex talks for youth

MATERIALISTIC CHURCH:

Larry, when you view God according to the desires of your heart and mind, that’s “materialism”, which God forbids. Materialism isn’t about how much money or investments you have, but the attitude you have towards money, influence and power. Materialism is wandering from object to object in a quest for happiness, but always ending up frustrated by lack of fulfilment and repeated disappointments.

Have you ever asked yourself how such practices like homosexuality and other unGodly practices have found their ways into principles of the Church? It’s through our desire for materialism. Our youth want swag and tattoos in church which the Bible is against these (Leviticus 19:28), but the Church, instead of preaching against this, accepts it.

We are the moral cornerstone of the society and when that is chipped away slowly, you know what will happen to the foundation of the house. Our churches are no longer places of worship, but places of trade, which Jesus admonished. We trade in fashion, best praise and worship ensembles, and other good ways the Lord has blessed us.

Remember David, in his all riches and might, fell before the feet of the Lord and wore sacks and garnished himself in ash to lament his sins. The Bible’s perspective on discipline is affirmed by what many psychologists and sociologists are now learning about child development: that children left to themselves will do what all people left to themselves in a fallen world would do.

They’ll make bad decisions that produce pain and turmoil in their lives. Conflict will erupt both within and without, and long-term goals will never be realised. Brother Larry, changing from one place of worship to another won’t help if you don’t find God in your heart.

Tread wisely, for the Lord will judge you according to your deeds.

Elisha Moseti Ratemo

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DESPERATE MOVE:

Larry, it’s a pity the lengths some people will go to make others adopt their point of view, but I didn’t expect you to use a professional podium to proselytise for your Mavuno Church. For me, in a way, it seems desperate and self-soothing. Your liberal programming can only draw you to a counter-cultural church, and that should not surprise anyone.

Charles, Mombasa.

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MY CHURCH IS BOLD:

Larry, churches are not afraid to tackle issues related to sex. On the contrary, you already mentioned how vibrant your own local church is at hitting the nail on the head without the fear of condemnation.  Similarly, I commend my church, Christ Is the Answer Ministries, for every effort they put in dealing with this delicate matter. I am not oblivious of the different youth forums, men’s fellowship and women’s ministry which are set aside to address this subject succinctly in my local church.  Kudos to all others trying to do the same. Having said all that, I am not ignorant of the traditional and uncharismatic way the Church has handled matters related to sex. When HIV was first diagnosed in Kenya, the Church used its platform to condemn the sick, whom it presumed had contracted it through sexual misconduct. That should never have been, and it is with sincere apology that men of the cloth retreated and found their footing again. To think that the church is the only shy organ in this area is to be mistaken. The thing is, culturally, we have not matured to that place where the traditional stand about sex is completely swept away and replaced with a modern, more Western and liberal way of thinking, and that is undeniably just a part of life. You wonder why many congregants run to churches that pass off motivational speeches?  Well, it just might be that the more gnawing issues in our society today are not the gay ones, but the money ones! Lastly, don’t also forget that in this nation the Church has verbally been stoned when it stood for what it believes in. Case in point is during the making of the current Constitution, when it disputed some clauses that it felt were dear and close to Christians. When the reality of some of the same disputed clauses hit home, we suddenly realised the Church was right.  No, the Church is not afraid to tackle the issues. It may be slow, but it is progressively and willingly heading in the right direction.

Judith Muthumbi

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MISSED THE POINT:

Larry, I have few things against your opinion: First is the difference between a Christian and a ‘Mavunonian’ or Catholic or Lutheran or any member of any other denomination around. A Christian does not belong to any denomination of man-made churches, but to a Church, just like the First Century Christians were members of Christ’s Church. Second, it’s very unfortunate that some denominations hardly talk about sex, but you need also to know that there are topics to be taught at the right time, at the right place, and to the right audience. Third, the proper exegesis for the phrase “do not judge” in Mathew 7:21 does not literally mean we should not gauge, correct and rebuke wrongdoings among brethren, otherwise it would contradict James’ 4:17 request to be our brothers’ keepers. Lastly, we attend church service for obvious five acts as the Bible teaches and as the First Century Christians did: for prayer, singing, teachings, Communion and giving. No more, no less. Phabian Paul Jr

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JESUS HAD IT RIGHT:

Larry, I think you are wrong, and my response is based on two arguments: (i) Just what is the best way to win the world “outta there”? Is it in-situ or ex-situ?, and, (ii) Does the method of reaching out or “church-ioning” matter, or the outcome of the reach-out is the real thing? Is it the method which is holy, or the outcome? You are making the assumption that the reached-out want to be reached out that way, or at least you seem to advocate a certain evnagelising way (sex appeal in a poster, for instance, will win more converts that convention appeal to salvation). I do not think so. Hundreds are won and their needs met in many other ways. You are also making the assumption that the only way to reach out to “some unreached” categories has one preset formula, and that formula is as you set it out in your discourse. If one would reach out or conduct church in some other way, that sounds a bit strange to you. Is there any difference between your view and the Pharisaic spirit of looking down on other people? If method is what attracts you to a church, soon that method will become a tradition, and it will be thought as conservative. Method, conservatism, and modernism are not the real issues in Christianity. The real issue is Jesus Christ, who is supra-cultural and trans-generational. No one can claim to improve the methods Jesus Christ used to preach.

Taaguchi Karuri

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MISSED THE POINT:

Larry, I have few things against your opinion: First is the difference between a Christian and a ‘Mavunonian’ or Catholic or Lutheran or any member of any other denomination around. A Christian does not belong to any denomination of man-made churches, but to a Church, just like the First Century Christians were members of Christ’s Church. Second, it’s very unfortunate that some denominations hardly talk about sex, but you need also to know that there are topics to be taught at the right time, at the right place, and to the right audience. Third, the proper exegesis for the phrase “do not judge” in Mathew 7:21 does not literally mean we should not gauge, correct and rebuke wrongdoings among brethren, otherwise it would contradict James’ 4:17 request to be our brothers’ keepers. Lastly, we attend church service for obvious five acts as the Bible teaches and as the First Century Christians did: for prayer, singing, teachings, Communion and giving. No more, no less. Phabian Paul Jr

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JESUS HAD IT RIGHT:

Larry, I think you are wrong, and my response is based on two arguments: (i) Just what is the best way to win the world “outta there”? Is it in-situ or ex-situ?, and, (ii) Does the method of reaching out or “church-ioning” matter, or the outcome of the reach-out is the real thing? Is it the method which is holy, or the outcome? You are making the assumption that the reached-out want to be reached out that way, or at least you seem to advocate a certain evnagelising way (sex appeal in a poster, for instance, will win more converts that convention appeal to salvation). I do not think so. Hundreds are won and their needs met in many other ways. You are also making the assumption that the only way to reach out to “some unreached” categories has one preset formula, and that formula is as you set it out in your discourse. If one would reach out or conduct church in some other way, that sounds a bit strange to you. Is there any difference between your view and the Pharisaic spirit of looking down on other people? If method is what attracts you to a church, soon that method will become a tradition, and it will be thought as conservative. Method, conservatism, and modernism are not the real issues in Christianity. The real issue is Jesus Christ, who is supra-cultural and trans-generational. No one can claim to improve the methods Jesus Christ used to preach. Taaguchi Karuri