Get out of the way, I’m a VIP!

I was on Limuru Road, and as often happens in Nairobi, there was a terrible traffic jam. Since there was no way out, we all waited patiently as the traffic moved at a snail’s pace.

The weather was blazing hot, with the sun beating down mercilessly through the car windows.

Suddenly, the monotony of the near-dead traffic was broken by the wailing of a siren. We all shifted expectantly; a siren in crawling traffic usually means all drivers should somehow move their vehicles to make for the emergency vehicle pass. Any movement was welcome at this point.

RED NUMBER PLATE

But when I saw the source of the noise, I gnashed my teeth in anger, as I suspect everybody else did: it was a car with the distinctive diplomatic red number plate.

At that moment, I wished I had super powers because I would have moved the vehicles back to where they were. However, it was too late since they had already made room.

As I often wonder whenever I see such vehicles abusing traffic rules as we all know them, I wondered if the traffic rules had changed and someone had forgotten to write us all a memo.

I have a driving licence that has seen better days, so perhaps they have updated the curriculum. In my days, we were taught that the only vehicles you make way for are police cars, ambulances, fire engines and the president’s motorcade.

So when did things change such that we now have to make way for cars with diplomatic registration and inflated egos?

A friend told me of an incident a few months ago involving a woman from a family with some clout.

As far as I know, she is a housewife, but she has two bodyguards who always follow her. In addition, she has two escort vehicles, one of which goes ahead of her and the other one behind her – but then again, I have no way of knowing how these people think or live, or what sort of enemies they make. I have watched several mafia movies and I reckon it is possible for a housewife to be a target for her husband’s enemies.

During that particular incident, there was a traffic jam at the Sarit Centre roundabout in Westlands.

She was coming from town when her vehicles got lost in the sea of other vehicles. So she switched on her siren.

Some people moved, others did not, mainly because there was nowhere to move.

Or perhaps they figured it was not an emergency vehicle. That some people did not respect her enough to move irked her, and within minutes, her goons had jumped out of their cars and were brandishing guns at the stubborn drivers.

I say some people have courage because the sight of a gun, real or otherwise, would engage all previously stuck gears in me. There were those who did not move, perhaps because they had their own guns and were thinking along the lines of “fair game”.

There was a scuffle between the goons and some drivers, and that was when the housewife came out, in all her fake nails and high-heeled glory, and started asking whether they knew who she was.

Most people did not, so she took the trouble to inform them. Some wanted to know the significance of her introduction. So could they please move their vehicles and let her pass?

The day was saved by the police, who somehow managed to open up traffic for the “lady” with the unladylike behaviour and her escorts.

True story, at least according to my friend.

So, did the police let her through to save everyone a lot of trouble, or because they thought she was right? I would have thought the right thing was to arrest her for causing a public disturbance and using a siren illegally, or brandishing a gun. But then again, perhaps the rules have changed.

BODYGUARDS AND SIREN

When did we start making way for international civil servants who are probably rushing to the country club for a round of golf?

When did we start making way for ex ministers who are rushing somewhere to rethink their political careers?

When did we start making way for random rich people who can afford to retain a couple of bodyguards and have a siren, and are probably just rushing home to get their forty winks?

Where is the Traffic Commandant and his men when this is happening?

Law abiding Kenyans who listened keenly during their theory driving classes as to what they could or could not do have a right to an explanation. They have a right to know whether some people are allowed to break traffic rules. And in my opinion, using a siren illegally is just as bad as overlapping.

Here’s hoping that we see a diplomat charged in court for having an illegal siren, unless, of course, the rules changed, and some of us have no idea.