He is a competitive and obssessive person

He is also insecure and when I am not with him he accuses me of hooking up with my ex and other men or his friends. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • He is mean  and does not buy me gifts or give me money for the salon only taking me for lunch or dinner from time to time. He keeps blaming me for breaking his heart.
  • We dated from 2006 but broke up in 2010 when I joined campus because he accused me of cheating. Although we remained friends, he always wanted to get back together but I was not as keen.
  • I went on to date other people and so did he. He would tell the girls he was dating about me and they would begin to stalk me.

Hey Kitoto,

I  am a regular reader of your Monday column about relationships, I am 24 years old and I have been dating the same man for the past one year. In March this year, I decided to take a break from the relationship for  four main reasons:

1. He is always competing with me. He once told me that I should not think am the only one with a degree. When I told him I was enrolling for my masters degree, he told me  he can enrol for his any time and he can pay for mine too. 

I felt insulted because I shared the information with him trusting that he would receive it well.  If he sees me with something good whether clothes, shoes or jewellery, he tells me he can get better.

2. He is also insecure and when I am not with him he accuses me of hooking up with my ex and other men or his friends.

3. He has a child with another woman and though I have no issues with this, he accuses me that one day I will leave him because of this. Whenever we quarrel, he uses  the pictures of this woman and their child to taunt me. The woman in question has also started stalking me  on social media.

4. He is mean  and does not buy me gifts or give me money for the salon only taking me for lunch or dinner from time to time. He keeps blaming me for breaking his heart.

We dated from 2006 but broke up in 2010 when I joined campus because he accused me of cheating. Although we remained friends, he always wanted to get back together but I was not as keen.

I went on to date other people and so did he. He would tell the girls he was dating about me and they would begin to stalk me.

Last year February, we started decided to try again and that’s when he told me about his ex had his baby. Both his parents and hers want them to get married but he refused.

Now he keeps calling and texting me saying we need to talk but I ignore because I do not want to argue.

His friends, sister and some family members accuse me of breaking him apart. What should I do?

Marya

 

Hi,

Initially, you seemed to know what you are looking for in a relationship.

Your values gave you direction when it came to relationships. If you can only listen to yourself. First, is the unhealthy competitive spirit brought on by his desire to fault everything you do.

Second, is his vulnerability that is denying you the much needed freedom that brings growth and adventure in the relationship. 

Third, is the way he uses the past to taunt you. And finally, his lack of generosity.

What I ask is whether these issues you have raised are of any importance. If so, what would what other people influence your decision.

My humble opinion is that if you married him you will be the most unhappy woman.

Do yourself a favour. Be sure of what really is of importance to you and be ready to die for it.