How to fix demons that control bosses

Senior executives have the power to create an environment that allows people to give their best, or a toxic workplace where everyone is unhappy.

How executives end up using that power depends in part on their mental health.

As an executive coach, I have sometimes come across leaders with mental demons. I have put a number of these bosses on the couch in an effort to understand and counsel them. Below are some of the more common pathologies I have encountered.

The narcissist

The dysfunction most frequently found at senior levels is pathological narcissism. Driven by grandiose fantasies about themselves, pathological narcissists are selfish and inconsiderate. They demand excessive attention and pursue power at all costs.

A good way to spot a narcissist is to look at how his subordinates respond to him.

When I first met Simon, he was regarded as one of the most promising senior executives in his company, although a number of directors had doubts about whether he was the right person to succeed the CEO.

I was asked by Agnes, the vice president for talent management, to become Simon’s executive coach with the aim of preparing him for possible succession.

Questions about Simon had begun to arise, Agnes explained. He had made a series of decisions that had raised a red flag about whether he understood the corporation’s culture.

Meanwhile, his lobbying efforts to be elected “businessman of the year” had inspired resentment in the company. More generally, people in the organisation viewed Simon as a “user”. He never reciprocated. One person said that he felt like part of the furniture on Simon’s stage to success.

Agnes told me that when she met with some of Simon’s subordinates over drinks, they went on and on about their dislike for what was happening at the office. Some of the better people had already joined the competition. A number had transferred to different units.

Most revealing was the extent to which Simon lived in a binary world where people were either “for” or “against” him. He made it quite clear that anyone against him would be a target.

Agnes was right to ask that Simon be coached. How does one coach a narcissistic leader?

The rule is to avoid anything that might upset their delicate sense of self. Typically, their grandiosity is a childhood coping mechanism compensating for a sense of inadequacy – of never being able to please a parent.

The coach’s first goal, then, must be to place the narcissist’s self-esteem on firm foundations, and not destroy it. You must convey respect and acknowledge his need to be recognised, but without reinforcing the grandiose self-perceptions.

Thus, first show empathy to gain their trust. Only then can you try minor confrontations about specific dysfunctional behaviours.

The manic-depressive

Manic depression, or bipolar disorder, is another psychological condition that some executives suffer from. Like most mental disorders, it varies in intensity, but even relatively mild forms can derail careers and alienate friends and colleagues.

To help you recognise the condition, let me share an experience I had, this one with a founder and CEO called Frank.

People told me that dealing with Frank often made them feel like fire fighters. They were constantly running behind him putting out emotional blazes. But colleagues also noted how attractive and contagious Frank’s energy could be.

Yet Frank had become a major risk. The firm’s situation was precarious. A big expansion attempt had failed, creating a serious liquidity problem. A worrisome number of capable executives were leaving or looking for an exit. If Frank couldn’t be reined in, the dissolution of the firm was a possibility.

When I spoke with Frank, it became clear that he had a bipolar disorder. Some years before (on the advice of his wife), he had consulted a psychiatrist, who had prescribed him lithium.

Frank acknowledged that it had helped him for a while but added that the experience had been mixed. To him, life with the drug was flat and less exciting. He missed the “high highs,” and he decided to stop taking the medication.

Serious mood disorders like manic depression are usually treated with a combination of psychotherapy and medication. The problem is that manic-depressives are rarely interested in treatment. Getting them to admit that they have a problem is a main challenge.

The best approach is the opposite of what you would do with narcissists. Make manic-depressives confront the reality of their relationships with others and work with the people they affect to create a new structure in which they can operate safely. In this kind of situation, a coach would do well to draw on the help of others (in Frank’s case, his spouse and supporting executives).

The passive-aggressive

This term describes a person who expresses negative feelings indirectly and shies away from confrontation. The behaviour originates in families where honest, direct expression of desires is forbidden. Children quickly learn to repress their feelings. They go through life being outwardly accommodating but obstructive in an underhanded way.

Though passive-aggressive executives overtly agree to requests, they covertly express their resentment of them by missing deadlines, making excuses or undermining goals.

Take Mary, who was referred to me by a senior executive I had been working with for some time. He told me that he thought she had a lot of potential but never delivered on that promise. Listening to his lament, I realised that I might be dealing with a passive-aggressive person, and my first meeting with Mary confirmed my suspicion. I experienced her as cold, passive and somewhat depressed.

What’s the best way to coach such a person?

Passive-aggressives need to resolve their hostility toward authority figures. To help them do that, the coach has to encourage transference.

By getting Mary to see me as an authority figure, I would attract her anger, which would allow me to work on helping her express it in a healthier, direct manner.

So, every time Mary was passive-aggressive with me, I’d say something like: “Mary, it seems to me that you are angry at me. Is that what you are experiencing?” I would also point out the inconsistencies in her behaviour. Of course, she would deny or evade the question, but it became increasingly difficult for her to get away with it.

Passive-aggressives have low self-esteem, so the coach has to help them build it up. This is best done by getting them to practise directness and asking them to explain how they would resolve situations they find themselves in.

Mary needed to recognise the causal relationship between her tendency to procrastinate and the resentment she felt toward the person making the request. Discussing her original family dynamics helped her to understand herself better. It quickly came out that it had been very difficult for her to stand up to her authoritarian father.

Executives who fail to recognise their irrational side are like ships facing an iceberg, forgetting that the greatest danger lies below the surface.

Effective executives know how to combine reflection with action by using self-insight as a restraining force when the sirens of power beckon them. It is here that the executive coach can help by pointing out the extent to which unconscious, seemingly irrational processes affect behaviour.

The writer is an executive coach, psychotherapist and management scholar. He is the Distinguished Professor of Leadership Development and Organisational Change at Insead in France, Singapore and Abu Dhabi, and author of The Hedgehog Effect: The Secrets of Building High Performance Teams -(NYT)