I’d like to meet the HIV-positive woman

I am a 39-year old, HIV-positive man. I was moved by an article published a while back featuring a 29-year-old, HIV-positive woman looking for a serious man. Could you kindly link me up with her? PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • I am not  sure why you were so moved by her story that you want to be her friend.  Is it t because you have not found someone because of your status? Is it because you are afraid of disclosure, or because you have not found someone you like?
  • Second, disclosure and having the courage to share your status without feeling intimidated is key to finding your place in society. We live in a culture that still tolerates stigmatisation of people living with HIV/Aids and those who are divorced, among others.
  • Find joy in making new friends without being overly conscious of what they will think when they find out about your status. In this way your circle of friends will grow.

Hi, Mr Kitoto,

I am a 39-year old, HIV-positive man.

I was moved by an article published a while back featuring a 29-year-old, HIV-positive woman looking for a serious man.

Could you kindly link me up with her?

 

Hi,

I wish to reiterate  the advice I gave the woman as I respond to you.

First, the situation you are facing is not unique. looking at your e-mail, I am not  sure why you were so moved by her story that you want to be her friend.  Is it t because you have not found someone because of your status? Is it because you are afraid of disclosure, or because you have not found someone you like?

I appreciate the fact that you have accepted your status and wish to settle down.

However, does marriage lead to ultimate happiness, fulfilment and meaning in life? Your guess is as good as mine. A good marriage is a daily journey of love and commitment, regardless of the  situation you are facing.

Consequently, there are many unhappy and unfulfilled people who got married believing that marriage was the answer to all their problems.

Second, disclosure and having the courage to share your status without feeling intimidated is key to finding your place in society. We live in a culture that still tolerates stigmatisation of people living with HIV/Aids and those who are divorced, among others. In some places, many people living with HIV/Aids are still afraid to reveal it for fear of facing rejection.

The courage to live positively arises from the way you view yourself. And your greatest challenge is  accepting your status and feeling free to talk about it without entertaining any kind of intimidation or judging yourself too harshly. Be wise but not necessarily secretive about the way you make disclosure to your friends.

Find joy in making new friends without being overly conscious of what they will think when they find out about your status. In this way your circle of friends will grow. Remember, it is from such a group that you will develop intimate friends.

As you think about settling down, you should ask yourself what kind of woman you consider ideal. I have met many happy, discordant couples who chose to get married even after disclosing their status.

Just because two people are HIV-positive does not guarantee a harmonious and loving relationship.