I’m afraid this man will use and dump me

Hello Mr Kitoto,

I can’t get over my past. I have been single for the past two years after breaking up with my boyfriend.

I have been seeing a new man for three months but the problem is that any time we talk, I find his views on relationships hurtful.

I recently told him we could be good friends and do things together but that we should not have sex until we are married. But he seems upset about my stand and says things like, “It will strengthen our bond” and all the crazy excuses men give to sleep with a woman. I feel as if he wants to use me and leave me because I experienced that a while back when I was dating.

I just feel like ending this relationship immediately.

Please advise.

Hi,

What I can say from the onset is that every person needs love and respect.

It brings great value to the relationship when you know that your partner respects your ideas, feelings and fears.

He has to be a friend who knows when you are serious about a decision.

Sadly, if he can’t wait as you date, who tells you he will learn to wait when you are too sick to have sex.
Yes, sex is great and pleasurable.

However, your partner should not use it for personal gratification and seek ways of manipulating you.

Indeed, some of us men at times say the things he is saying.

Since your decision is based on a deep conviction that sex is great and acceptable in marriage, I believe you should stick to your convictions.

Do remember that choices have consequences.

As far as relationships are concerned, research has shown that many of those who give in to such pressure live to regret their decision of going against their values.

I suggest that you ask your man to tell you how he would feel if it were you who wanted him to go against one of his core values.

Of course your decision might end up costing you a boyfriend. But isn’t that what life is all about? Living an upright life is not easy.