Is this man really interested in a relationship or after my money?

He talked of securing tenders he thought were good for me. When I asked him to tell me more about the tenders, he brushed my query aside, instead saying we should each contribute half the amount required to secure the tenders. He later called to inquire whether I had the money. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • During that same meeting, he talked of securing tenders he thought were good for me. When he got back home, he asked me to send him my bank  account number,  a copy  of my KRA PIN card and ID, and two passport size photos.
  • When I asked him to tell me more about the tenders, he brushed my query aside, instead saying  we should each contribute half the amount required to secure the tenders. This made me even more suspicious. He later called to inquire whether I had the money.
  • After I sent him a text message saying I could not raise the amount, he stopped sending me the love messages he had been sending.

Hi Mr Kitoto,

I read your column regularly and find it inspiring.

It’s three months and 11 days since I got into a relationship. On our first meeting in May this year when we became acquainted.

Then, the second time we met, which was barely two months later, my friend brought me an engagement ring. When I asked him why he was taking things so fast, he replied that he wanted to get married in December.

During that same meeting, he talked of securing tenders he thought were good for me. When he got back home, he asked me to send him my bank  account number,  a copy  of my KRA PIN card and ID, and two passport size photos.

When I asked him to tell me more about the tenders, he brushed my query aside, instead saying  we should each contribute half the amount required to secure the tenders. This made me even more suspicious. He later called to inquire whether I had the money.

After I sent him a text message saying I could not raise the amount, he stopped sending me the love messages he had been sending.

Later,  I “met” him on social media where he was using a different identity. He thinks he is dating a different person but unfortunately, it’s me. I realised he was the one when I saw his Whatsapp profile photo. And he’s using the exact words he used when dating me earlier.

Could he be out to extort money? I am disturbed. Please help.

Dorry

 

Hi,

Let me begin by painting a positive picture: Is there anything such as love at first sight?

On one of my trips, I  had the privilege of sitting at the same table with a couple that  had been happily married for more than 40 years after meeting at a friend’s wedding and getting married four months later. Would I copy them or take such a relationship to be norm for all relationships? Definitely not! We also know of many successful arranged marriages, where a man living in town was brought a wife from the rural area and they lived happily thereafter.

Dorry, you need to be aware that we live in a selfish and individualistic world, in which few people think about how they can be a blessing to others. However, God intended relationships to be such that we focus more on others and think of them as being better than ourselves.

Your fears arise from a suspicion attributable to a common characteristic advanced by today’s society: selfishness. The truth is that he could have been very serious about wanting to marry you, or wanted to use you to achieve some goal.

That said, I feel that most relationships fail as a result of couples’ failure to involve relational intelligence in their dating and day-to-day life together. In his book, Relational Intelligence,  Steve Saccone says:  “Relational intelligence is the ability to learn, understand, and comprehend knowledge as it relates to interpersonal dynamics. The more relationally intelligent we become, the more we will demonstrate increased love, respect, and trust in every relationship in our lives, which will inevitably elevate our influence.”

Relational intelligence gives one the power to control their relationships. I suggest that you remain alert. “Everyone’s life is a walking novel waiting to be read with anticipation,” adds Saccone.

I trust that what you discover could end up confirming your suspicions. Relational intelligence seeks to learn to discern and discover the truth, and chooses when to speak with courage, even if it hurts. I believe that will be your key to freedom. I would recommend that you read this book by Saccone.