KITOTO: Help, I’m looking for a partner 

I am a Kenyan woman who has been trusting in God for a God-fearing spouse. I am in a good profession. I would really appreciate it if you could consider linking me up with one or two single men you feel are genuine and seriously considering settling down as the ultimate goal of any sound relationship. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • I read about a man who married a woman with two children, and with whom he had another child, who is now four years old. 
  • My take is that this man is generally a good person and feels lonely inside. Once he decides to move on and leaves his troublesome wife who doesn’t want the bride price returned to her first  husband, could you link me up with him.

Hi Mr  Kitoto,

I wish to commend you for the good advice you give readers

I am a Kenyan woman who has been trusting in God for a God-fearing spouse. I am in a good profession. In one of your articles, I read about a man who married a woman with two children, and with whom he had another child, who is now four years old. 

My take is that this man is generally a good person and feels lonely inside. Once he decides to move on and leaves his troublesome wife who doesn’t want the bride price returned to her first  husband, could you link me up with him.

Secondly, I would really appreciate it if you could consider linking me up with one or two single men you feel are genuine and seriously considering settling down as the ultimate goal of any sound relationship.

Penny

 

Hi,

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. My team and I are delighted to hear such warm words of support. Life is tough and we can never downplay what others go through. We believe that you, and many others out there, are the ones who give us a reason to have this column. We pray that as you engage with us, you will be able to make it through the storms of  life.

As much as marriage is an honourable and enjoyable institution, it requires hard work. Two adults who have been brought up in different environments with different values and beliefs might not find it easy coming together to become one flesh.

A friend of mine once told me that he found it is a risk worth taking. Another said that even after  being married for many years, marriage does not fix our loneliness. I have discovered over the years that this is true. Unless one has learnt to enjoy life as a single person, to affirm others and themselves, to be their best encourager, then they are not ready for marriage.

There are many  spouses who are lonely despite being married, to they start  wondering what it is all about. What this means is that marriage is not necessarily the antidote to loneliness. Being married offers no protection from the risks of loneliness. Various studies have shown that 62.5 per cent of the people who reported being lonely were married and living with their partner. Although marriage is about friendship, there are still chances that you can be lonely. If allowed, loneliness ends up distorting how we see ourselves and other people. This can in turn devalue our perspective on relationships.

Yes, marriage is still about companionship, adventure, and common values. Therefore, finding the man meant for you is as key as preparing yourself to be the right person and  dealing with issues that cause insecurity. This man you are refer to has his own fears and baggage to deal with. I  pray that he does not become your focus.

The question many ask is how to find the right partner to marry in an age when there is so much compromise. Today, there is more talk about the need for compatibility when seeking the right person to marry. It is no longer just about looking for the person who accepts us the way we are, but  more about overcoming the unrealistic expectations we  set for ourselves and those around us.