Dear pastor Kitoto,
My name is David, I am 27 years old. I have been single for three years now, but it is not by choice.
I have approached several young women, but most of them don’t take me seriously. The last relationship I was in lasted five years, but nowadays, my relationships don’t go past three months.
When breaking up with me, my girlfriends tell me that I make a better friend.
Please tell me what to do to have a real relationship because these short-term relationships are frustrating.
Let me start by asking you a question: What makes a great relationship for you? One’s preoccupation in a relationship speaks a lot about what they value and look for in one. What I read from your mail is that as much as you desire a long-term relationship, how you behave while in the relationship does not reflect this. I also need to point out that true romance goes way beyond sex.
A genuine relationship should help strengthen the bond that exists between couples. My fear is that you may have used the wrong factors to measure the validity of your relationships. I suggest that you evaluate what it means to love a woman and ask yourself whether your pointers lead to stability and longevity or are meant to serve short-term desire. It is also important to note that strong relationships happen to people with vision and strategy.
Your vision should ask the question: Why does my relationship exist? Many start relationships with short-term gains in mind hoping to one day build a lasting union out of this limited vision. Your preferred future must guide your decisions. Your strategy is therefore not, “When will I get to sleep with her?”, rather, how can we spur each other to greater trust and respect?”
Lasting relationships, although they face trials, are driven by one desire, mutual love and respect. When you next meet someone you would like to be in a relationship with, I suggest the following:
1. Show her that you value her through the way you treat her.
2. Get to know what her likes, dislikes, and fears in life are.
3. Built trust through honest disclosure and through your actions, show her that you’re interested in a long-term relationship.