I have no job, no money no self-confidence

 Hi,

I am a 41-year-old single mother and would like to get into a lasting relationship, but I have been approached by lousy men – a con man, an adulterous pastor, a 70-year-old celebrity, and a Catholic priest. I am ashamed of myself. I have no job, and my cake business failed. I am undertaking a diploma in early childhood development (ECD) at Kenyatta University.

My younger brother is taking care of everything. I am so ashamed. My 18-year-old old son would not mind my getting into a relationship but I am really pathetic. I need help.

I truly need to focus on myself. I have been giving of myself to others, but have stalled myself.  The challenge is how to restart this engine and which route to take. I don’t have a source of income apart from occasional cake orders, which don’t suffice.

Financially, I am on my death bed. I hate to say this, but it’s the naked truth. I feel stuck in life. I lost my job five years ago and I have not got another since. It has been one blow after another. I’m born-again.

Hi,

Thank you for your honesty in sharing. The baggage you are carrying now is the result of choices you made in the past. A good place on your journey of restoration is to have an introspective look at how you have lived in the past. What guided your choices? What makes you regret some of those choices you made? Reflection will help you see the need for change and the focus and power it will bring.

In order to map out your life ahead, there is a need to start by forgiving yourself where you might have gone astray. Repentance means turning away from those values and practices that compromised your faith. As you do this, refuse to allow shame and fear to hold you captive. There is this amazing peace that comes when we turn from that painful past and instead focus on choices that are aimed at overcoming past failures.

Placing your past baggage in front of you will only obscure your view. It will also make you see others through this obscured lens. You should deal with this past and not allow it to influence your future choices negatively. For example, when you forgive, you don’t use past hurts to stoke those who hurt you. The past pain will remain a constant baggage if you don’t leave it behind and begin to walk in the new-found freedom of forgiveness.

A difficult past can make one insecure and erode one’s faith in one’s abilities.

TANGIBLE GOALS

You must get into the habit of affirming yourself. Your son needs a focused mother; he needs a role model and mother he can confide in. Your current state will only add make your son, who is no longer a child, confused. Having raised this adult in your house is a not a small matter. But even more critical is for you to help your  son make a smooth transition to adulthood.

We live in a very difficult world where there is moral decay, unemployment, pressures of living and stress. At 41, what you are going through is a product of many factors. My prayer is for you to get to the bottom of what you made make choices that are denying you focus. Is it because life is tough as a single mother, without a job and a way to sustain your family? The choices you made have left you feeling ashamed and confused. Sadly, in life, if you look for those who want to take advantage of vulnerable people, you will find them. 

You should not get scared of where you are but remind yourself what focus and the setting of tangible goals in life and career can do for you. I can’t say I know how you will get the money you need to study and support your family.

However, there is a liberating feeling that comes with doing this right. For now it the completion of the early childhood development programme. Give it your best. Maybe you can start a day care centre or kindergarten, or work for someone who owns one. Never underrate the power of prayer, hard work and focused living.

You should not worry about the point where you are now, so long as you do what is right. This is an opportunity to re-establish the right kind of relationships that will provide the support you need to navigate through life. You need emotional and spiritual stability that will help you bring the needed focus in life. I believe you will be able to rise again. Let the man you will date find you living the way God intended. Don’t sell yourself short and end up regretting. Do not get involved in relationships in which you will be used and remain dependent.

Your biggest challenge as you seek to restore your life is going to be how to bridge your financial gaps. I suggest that you give your cake business another chance and see if it will pick up as you finalise your studies. You need to manage the Insecurities that come at your age and the fact that you don’t have a job.

Affirm yourself, treat yourself with dignity. Seek to live your life each day with respect and faith  such that what you do today results in greater productivity.