I’m dating a daughter of the man who killed my mother; is this true love or foolishness?

Kitoto, I have been in a relationship with a girl for the past five years, and it is taking a toll on me. See, her family is a great enemy to mine since — our side claims — they killed my mum. Her father is serving a jail term for the crime and her mother does not want to see me. At home, my father, too, does not want to see the girl I am dating at all. He even one day told me that he will disown me if I marry from the enemy. Now, I love this girl and I do not want to leave her, yet I also do not want to antagonise the two families further. What should I do?

Stephen

Stephen, if, as you state, your families are great enemies, why are you in a relationship with this girl? I believe your answer is: “Because I love her.”
If that is so, my follow-up question is:

“Do you love her to the extend that you can defend her, marry her, and spend all your days with her without allowing yourself to be sucked in by the family squabbles?”

Yes?

Although your parents feel the way they do, love them, pray for them, and allow yourselves to be the healing they do not have. Marriage belongs to the two of you. If you allow any of you to carry anger and unforgiveness into your relationship, then you will invite trouble home. Pray and stand for reconciliation.

If your parents won’t reconcile, hate should not stop love!

All the best!

*****

KITOTO BONUS

How about making the imperfect, perfect?

Someone once said that, rather than focus on relationships that have failed, we should take time and look at what works. I also read somewhere that a great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together, but when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. When we get this perspective right, we are able to enter marriage with full commitment, without the idea of divorce in mind. A while ago, in the course of my regular reading, I came across a gem of wisdom: relationships that stand the test of time consist of couples that make the choice to focus entirely on doing whatever is necessary to make them work. Since disappointments and disagreements are common, we need to keep our eyes on the big picture. When we know this, we will do all that it takes to relate in a way that is devoid of fears caused by assumptions.